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| Posted by Chris Dutto on 09-Aug-2005 | 10 ways to get firedWhenever answering the phone, and its for your boss, say "He's under his desk screwing his secretary. Can I take a message?"
Strip off all your clothes. Complain about how hot it is in the office, regardless of the temperature.
When your boss is on the phone scream, "Dammit! I'm expecting a call!! Stay off the phone!!"
If your boss bumps into you, start screaming sexual harassment. Talk in great lengths about the state laws on harassment. Get the authorites involved. Threaten to sue.
Sleep with your boss's daughter. Videotape it. Pass out copies around the office. Brag about how easy she was.
Steal various office equipment, (pencils, staplers, desks) frame your boss for it.
When asked to do something start laughing hysterically. Continue this for five minutes. Calm down and say, "Oh, you were being serious?"
Loosen the bolts on the boss's chair.
Laugh loudly when he/she falls down. Play innocent.
Whenever the boss starts to tell you a story, interrupt him/her with a story of your own. Make sure the story is boring and has no point whatsoever.
Send a dozen roses to your boss's house when their spouse is home. Sign an ex-flames name on the card. Next day, ask him/her how their evening was. Be obvious.
Submitted by Glaci
EDited by Curtis
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| Posted by Matthew Moulton on 09-Aug-2005 | Cinderella's ballWhat did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
"Cough, gag, choke...."
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by sus lee on 09-Aug-2005 | Old duffle bagsOne day a man was at work and his employee noticed that his fly was open so she said, "Mr. Curtis, your bear store is open."
He finally realized what she was talking about and decided to have a little fun....
"When you noticed that my Bear Store was open did you see a soldier standing at attention next to two barrells or ammo?!" said Mr. Curtis.
"No I didn't," she replied, "I saw a handicapped veteran sitting on some old duffle bags!"
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Cody Zwief on 09-Aug-2005 | Tied armThe redneck farmer was disturbed when he found out his son was masturbating several times a day out in the barn.
"Boy, you gotta quit that! Go out and get yourself a wife."
So the boy went out and found himself a pretty young girl, to whom he got married. But a week or so after the wedding, the farmer found his son 'choking the chicken' again.
"You crazy boy!" he yelled, "That Elli-Mae is a fine young gal!"
"I know Paw," the boy replied, "but her arm gets tired sometimes!"
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by eric yim on 09-Aug-2005 | Rooster and the catAnswer these questions to the best of your ability:
1. How many eyes does a rooster have?
2. How many legs does a rooster have?
3. How many beaks does a rooster have?
4. And finally, how many whiskers does a cat have?
OK now that you've answered all these questions to the best of your ability ask yourself this...
why is it you know so much about cock and nothing about pussy?
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
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| Posted by The Zipper on 09-Aug-2005 | Wet noseWhat does a short sighted gynecologist and a dog have in common?
They both have wet noses!
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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