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| Posted by Gary Sexton on 11-Aug-2005 | 18 Kids in the FamilyTwo gentlemen were discussing the prospects of "looming" retirement. While one guy had lots of hobbies. The other fellow had no hobbies, and was rather concerned about being set loose with nothing to do.
The first guy suggested his friend go visit his kids. The man said, "Well, I only have two kids, but I could buy a motor home and go visit my brothers and sisters, that would take about a year."
The first guy looked a bit puzzled, so his friend said, "I'm one of eighteen kids in my family."
The first fellow's eyes got rather large, contemplating eighteen children, so the man volunteered to explain.
"The problem was, my mother was hard of hearing." With a big grin he added, "My mom and dad would go to bed at night, and my dad would ask, 'Do you want to go to sleep, or what?' and my mom would say, 'What?'"
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| Posted by ScoggyDogg on 11-Aug-2005 | MarriageA man came home unexpectedly to find his wife in bed with another man.
His wife sat up and groaned.
"Oh Lord," she grumbled. "Here comes bigmouth. It'll be all over town now!"
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():love jokes (2491): Top 10 things NOT to say to parents when picking up a date. |
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| Posted by ron k. carmichael on 12-Aug-2005 | Top 10 things NOT to say to parents when picking up a date.Top 10 things NOT to say to parents when picking up a date.
10. "Sorry I'm a little late.? I had to stop by the drugstore."
9. "Show me how you used to spank her."
8. "Please come inside?? Wow, you sound just like your daughter."
7. "Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?"
6. "I just got my license today."
5. "I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped me
mature."
4. "Five bucks says she's a D-cup."
3. "Hey do you have an empty pop can and some matches?"
2. "Hi.? I'm Robert, but my friends call me 'Back Door Bob.'"
1. "So, does your wife just lay there during sex too?
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():love jokes (2491): The couple and the shoe salesman. |
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| Posted by The Flash on 12-Aug-2005 | The couple and the shoe salesman.The middle-aged wife had just returned to the house on Saturday afternoon after a shopping trip. She was quite agitated, and proceeded to tell her husband about a certain shoe salesman who had been rude.
It seems she was sitting down while he helped her try on various shoes, and happened to glance up and notice that she was not wearing any knickers under her dress. Without even thinking, he just blurted out, "If that thing was full of ice cream, I'd eat every bite."
Well, she was understandably insulted, and now wanted to know what her husband was going to do about it.
The husband just sat there, watching football on TV, and grunted. The wife became hysterical, and insisted on knowing why he didn't go down to the shop and punch the rude salesman right in the nose.
"Well", the husband replied, "There are three reasons I won't punch that guy in the nose. First of all, you shouldn't have even been shopping for shoes, since you have a whole wardrobe full of them. Secondly, you have no business going shopping with no knickers on. But most of all, I'm not going to punch anyone who's big enough to eat that much ice cream!"
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| Posted by Kevin J. Hall on 12-Aug-2005 | Halloween partyA married couple was invited to a Halloween party. That night, as they were getting ready to go out, the wife said she had developed a migraine headache and had to stay home. She told her husband to go to the party without her. "Don't let me spoil a good time for you," she said. After further discussion, the husband put his costume on and went to the party. The wife took some aspirin and went to bed.
After sleeping for a while, she woke feeling much better and decided to go to the party and surprise her husband. As she was getting ready, she thought to herself, "I wonder what my husband really does when I'm not around." She then got into a different costume, so her husband wouldn't recognize her, and went to the party. Getting there, she stood off to the side and watched.
There was her husband dancing with one girl after another and getting very physical with them. She decided to see just how far he would go. She went up to him and started dancing with him, got very close and whispered that they should go outside. Going to one of the cars, they made love. Prior to the midnight unmasking, she left and went home to wait for her husband to return so she could confront him.
He arrived home about 1:00 a.m. and climbed into bed. She sat up and asked "Well, how was the party?" He replied, "It was no fun without you honey." She said, "I don't believe you. I bet you had lots of fun!" He replied, "Really, Honey. When I got to the party, some of the guys and I got bored and we went downstairs and played poker all night. But you know, that guy I loaned my costume to had one hell of a great time."
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| Posted by andrew on 12-Aug-2005 | Crotchless pantiesA woman feared that her husband was losing interest in her sexually. She went out and bought some very sexy lingerie, complete with crotchless panties. She posed herself in bed and awaited his arrival.
When he came into the bedroom, she threw the sheets back, spread her legs, and said, "Welcome home honey. Do you want some of this?"
With a horrified look on his face, the husband replied, "Hell No! Look what it did to your underwear!"
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