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():gender jokes (1878): 25 more things you will never here a women say |
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| Posted by Jase A. Bryant on 14-Aug-2005 | 25 more things you will never here a women say1. You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.
2. I know I'm sore and my parents are in the other room, I still want you right now!
3. This porno scene is boring, fast forward to the gang bang.
4. Don't get up, I kinda like sleeping in the wetspot
5. Don't dirty up your T-shirt wiping that up, use my blouse
6. That was fun, when will all of your friends be over to watch porno's again?
7. I bet it would be kinky to watch you with our baby sitter Tracy.
8. You're my daddy, you're my daddy!
9. The new girl in my office is a stripper, I invited her over for dinner on Friday.
10. Honey, did you leave that skid in the toilet bowl? Good one!
11. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.
12. Bar food again!? Kick ass.
13. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your Ex girlfriend has class.
14. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am, Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.
15. I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends, tell me more.
16. I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one, what a wonderful Valentines day!
17. Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.
18. I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want 'em?
19. It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.
20. Honey come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie's bare ass!
21. My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.
22. I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.
23. Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and scotch. You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya' big silly!
24. You are so much smarter than my father.
25. If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch Sportscenter.
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| Posted by Gus Scoom on 14-Aug-2005 | Evil GenieThere are three guys enjoying a relaxing day of fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting them each one wish. Now one of the guys just doesn't believe it and says, "O.K., if you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q.
The mermaid says, "Done!"
Suddenly the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analyzing it with extreme insight. The second guy is so amazed he says to the mermaid, "Triple my I.Q."
And the mermaid replies, "Done!"
The guy starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems that have been stumping scientists in various fields. The last guy is so enthralled with the changes in his friends that he says to the mermaid, "Quintiple my I.Q."
The mermaid looks at him and says, "You know, I normally don't try to change other people's minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you would reconsider.
The guy replies, "No, I want to increase my I.Q. times five and if you don't do it, I won't set you free."
"Please," says the mermaid, "You don't know what your asking...it'll change your entire view of the universe...won't you ask for something else..a million dollars, anything?"
But no matter what the mermaid said, the guy insisted on having his I.Q. increased by five times it's usual power.
So the mermaid sighed and said, "Done!"
And with that, he became a woman!
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| Posted by Kellen Cuttance on 14-Aug-2005 | GenieA man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one."
The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying, and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."
The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes them tick?"
The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"
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| Posted by joey kahn on 14-Aug-2005 | Its all how you look at it.An English Professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is a savage" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is a savage."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is a savage."
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| Posted by Tom J. L on 14-Aug-2005 | Screwing a Light BulbHow many men does it take to change a light bulb?
Four, one to actually change it and three friends to brag to about how he screwed it.
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| Posted by Audrey Osterman on 14-Aug-2005 | Makeup and PerfumeWhy do women wear make up and perfume?
Because they're often under increasing pressure from a society which oversimplifies the process of ascertaining ones worth and attractiveness by reducing someone down to individual physical attributes.
...or is it because they're ugly and they smell?
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