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():Body & Health (530): 28 Types of People You Meet in the Men's Room |
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| Posted by Patricia Pezzullo on 14-Aug-2005 | 28 Types of People You Meet in the Men's Room1. EXCITABLE:
Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.
2. SOCIABLE:
Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.
3. NOSEY:
Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
4. TIMID:
Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal as if he had
already, comes back later.
5. INDIFFERENT:
All urinals being used, pisses in the sink.
6. CLEVER:
No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on the
floor.
7. WORRIED:
Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.
8. FRIVOLOUS:
Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or
bug.
9. ABSENT-MINDED:
Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.
10. CHILDISH:
Pisses directly into bottom of urinal, likes to see the bubbles.
11. SNEAKY:
Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in
the next stall will get blamed.
12. PATIENT:
Stands very close for a long time, reads newspaper with free
hand.
13. DESPARATE:
Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.
14. TOUGH:
Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry it.
15. EFFICIENT:
Waits until he has to crap, then does both.
16. FAT:
Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shoes.
17. LITTLE:
Stands on box, falls in, drowns.
18. DRUNK:
Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.
19. DISGRUNTLED:
Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.
20. CONCEITED:
Holds two inch dick like a baseball bat.
21. IMPATIENT:
Always in a hurry, pisses down back of guy using urinal in front
of him.
22. HUNTER:
Gets out of camper, unzips fly, steps of cliff, never pisses,
but does scare the shit out of himself.
23. WITHDRAWN:
Places feet in urinal, pisses down leg, thus eliminate noise.
24. CROSS-EYED:
Looks into urinal to the left, pisses into one in the center,
flushes one on the right.
25. CURIOUS:
Looks over at neighbor, pisses in neighbor's pocket.
26. COMPETITIVE:
Stands back, and challenges others to distance contest.
27. SHOW OFF:
Stands with back to urinal, and slings tool over shoulder.
28. CONFUSED:
Woman in wrong washroom wondering what's with the funny sinks.
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| Posted by Tim B on 14-Aug-2005 | The Love DressThe mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married
couple's
house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw
her
daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the
daughter-in-law
answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and
it
makes me
happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will
be
home from
work any minute."
The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left.
On
the way
home she thought about the love dress. When she got home she
undressed,
showered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door.
Finally her
husband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by
the
door.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress" she replied.
"Needs ironing." he said.
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| Posted by Blonde Joker on 14-Aug-2005 | In the BushesA young courting couple are out for a romantic walk along a
country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his
lustful desire rises to a peak. He is is just about to get
frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I really do
need to have a piss." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he
replies, "OK why don't you go behind this hedge." She nods in
agreement and disappears behind the hedge.
As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down
her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable
to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer he reaches
through a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He
quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and
with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick
appendage hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror, "My God
Mary have you changed your sex?!" "No," she replies, "I've
changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."
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| Posted by CHIVA on 14-Aug-2005 | Whiskey & WormsA chemistry teacher wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the
evils of liquor, so ho proceeded with an experiment involving a glass of
water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now class...observe the worms closely," said the professor, putting a
worm first into the water. The worm wiggled around, happy as could be.
He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It wiggled about painfully
and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Little Bobby, sitting in the back, raised his hand and wisely responded,
"Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
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():Body & Health (530): Why e-mail is like a male reproductive organ: |
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| Posted by Tina B on 14-Aug-2005 | Why e-mail is like a male reproductive organ:11. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.
10. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.
9. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not
worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.
8. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it; a phenomenon
psychologists call "E-Mail Envy".
7. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work
done.
6. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit stuff vital to
the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only
thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for
fun.
5. If you don't take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.
4. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult
to think coherently.
3. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size
and influence warrant.
2. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into alot of
trouble.
And the number one reason why E-Mail is like a male reproductive organ:
IF YOU PLAY WITH IT TOO MUCH, YOU GO BLIND.
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| Posted by Bob Nelson on 14-Aug-2005 | Something Is Wrong!A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk,
the receptionist asked "Yes sir, may we help you?"
"There's something wrong with my dick." He replied.
The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a
crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you." He said.
"We do not use language like that here." She said. "Please go outside and
come back in and say that there's something wrong with your ear or
whatever."
The man shrugged his shoulders, walked out, waited several minutes and
re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear." He stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with your ear,
sir?"
"I can't piss out of it." The man replied.
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