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| Posted by Candy Dee on 14-Aug-2005 | 3 chancesCharlie and Audrey are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
Charlie says to Audrey, "Audrey, I was wondering, have you ever cheated on
me?"
Audrey replies, "Oh Charlie, why would you ask such a question now? You
don't want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Audrey, I really want to know. Please..."
"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..."
"Three? Well, when were they?" He asked.
"Well, Charlie, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted
to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan?
Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and
signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Audrey, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do
such a thing for me. So, when was number 2?"
"Well, Charlie, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were
needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then
remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery
himself, and then you were in good shape again?"
"I can't believe it! Audrey, you should do such a thing for me, to save my
life. I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must
really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. So, all right then, when
was number 3?"
"Well, Charlie, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be
president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?"
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():sex jokes (1888): Kids say the darndest things! |
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| Posted by keenen on 14-Aug-2005 | Kids say the darndest things!A catholic teacher asks her students to answer the question
"When you die what part of your body goes to Heaven first?"
One student replied "I think it is the heart". "Why?", asks the
teacher. "Well", replied the student, "because we keep Jesus
and God in our hearts."
Another student replied "I think that the brain goes to Heaven
first."
Again the teacher asked for an explanation. The student replied
"Because we think about Jesus and God with our brain."
Little Tommy, the troublemaker in the class, said "Well I think
that when you die your feet go to Heaven first."
The teacher angrily asked "Tommy, why in the world would you say
such a thing?"
Tommy replied, "Because last night I was on my way to the
bathroom when I heard noises coming from my parents' bedroom.
So I crept to the door and looked in; my dad was on top of my
mom and her feet were up in the air and she was screaming "Oh
God I'm coming!"
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| Posted by thomas mindenhall on 14-Aug-2005 | The Talking BabyA baby was born that was so advanced that he could talk. He
looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.
"Are you my doctor?" he asked.
"Yes, I am."
The baby said "Thank you for taking such good care of me during
birth."
He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"
"Yes, I am," she said.
"Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born" he
said.
He then looked at his father and asked "Are you my father?"
"Yes, I am," his father answered.
The baby motioned him close, then poked him on the forehead with
his index finger 5 times, saying "I want you to know that that
hurts!"
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| Posted by lil dude on 14-Aug-2005 | TripletsThere is this lady who is pregnant with triplets. The first baby
tells the other two, "When I get out of here I'm gonna be an
electrician because it's to damn dark up in here." The second
baby says, "When I get out of here I'm going to be a doctor,
because this cord is bugging the hell out of me." The third baby
says, "When I get out of here I'm going to be a hunter, because
if that damn snake comes up here one more time, I'm gonna cut
it's fucking head off."
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| Posted by Morgan E. Stromberg on 14-Aug-2005 | Turner Brown One day this little white guy walked into a elevator
and saw this big black guy. The black guy says," 7 ft, 350
pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left nut, 3 pound right nut,
Turner Brown". Immediatly the white guy fainted. The black guy
slapped him around to make him come to. When the white guy got
up he said," Could you say that again"? The black guy says," 7
ft, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left nut, 3 pound right
nut, Turner Brown". " Thank God," the white guy said. " I
thought you said turn a round".
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():sex jokes (1888): What'll be The Baby's Name? |
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| Posted by Melissa Pena on 14-Aug-2005 | What'll be The Baby's Name?A 15 year old girl finally had the oportunity to go to a party
all alone. Since she was very good looking, she was a bit
nervous about what to do if boys hit on her. Her mom said, "It's
very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask him
'what will be the name of our baby?', that'll scare them off."
So off she went.
After a little while at the party a boy started dancing whith
her and little by little kissing her and touching her. She asked
him, "What will our baby be called?" The boy found some excuse
and disapeared.
Some time later the same thing happened again, a boy started to
kiss her neck, her shoulders...she stoped him and asked him
about the baby's name, he ran off.
Later on another boy invited her for a walk, after a few minutes
he started kissing her and she asked him, "What will our baby be
called?" He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. "What
will our baby be called?" she asked once more. He began to have
sex with her. "What will our baby be called?!" she asked again.
After he was done, he took off his "full" condomn, gave it a
knot and said, "If he gets out of this one...David Copperfield!"
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