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| Posted by Josh G on 09-Aug-2005 | 3 dogsThree dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian's. One of the dogs was hanging its head and sighing.
The second dog turned to him and asked, 'What are you in here for, buddy?'
The dog looked depressed.
'I'm in big trouble,' he said. 'My owner has a really nice sports car with leather seats. I just love to go for rides in it. Well, the other day, he took me for a ride and I was so excited, I peed on the nice leather seat. Now he's having me put to sleep.'
'I know how you feel,' said the second dog. 'My owners have a beautiful, expensive oriental rug. The other day they were late getting home from work and I just couldn't help myself. I shit all over their nice carpet and ruined it. They're having me put to sleep too.'
Both dogs turned to the third dog in the waiting room.
'So what are you here for?' they asked.
'Well', said the third dog, 'my owner likes to do her housework in the nude. The other day, she was vacuuming and she knelt down to vacuum under the sofa and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and had the ride of my life.'
The other dogs nodded in sympathy.
'So she's having you put to sleep too, huh?'
'No,' said the dog, 'I'm having my nails clipped.'
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| Posted by Anashel k. Hall on 09-Aug-2005 | Whale of a timeA male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, 'Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time. It should cause the ship to turn over and sink.'
They tried it, and sure enough the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon, however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female,
'Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.'
At this point he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
'Look,' she said. 'I went along with the blowjob, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen.'
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| Posted by Nina on 09-Aug-2005 | Special ViagraA man walks into a chemist and says to the bloke behind the counter,
'Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once and I need something to keep me horny... keep me potent.'
The chemist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with the label Viagra Extra Strength and says,
'If you take this, you'll go mental for 12 hours.'
Very happy and excited, the man says, 'Gimme three boxes.'
The next day the man walks into the same chemist's shop, right up to the same chemist and pulls down his pants. The chemist looks in horror as he notices the man's cock is swollen, black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places.
The man says, 'Gimme a tube of Deep Heat.'
The chemist replies, 'Deep Heat? You're not going to put Deep Heat on that are you?'
The man says, 'No, it's for my arms. The girls didn't show up.'
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| Posted by OurLadyPeace Fanatik on 09-Aug-2005 | In the RestaurantA waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating.
She says, 'What the hell do you guys think you're doing?'
One of the Japanese men says, 'We are all berry hungry.'
The waitress says, 'So how is whacking off in this restaurant going to help that situation?'
Another businessman replies,
'Because menu say, first come first served.'
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| Posted by Cinder60 on 09-Aug-2005 | In too farA young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.
'If I do 250 kph, will you take off your clothes?' he smirked. 'Yes,' said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 250, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.
The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.
'Go and get help!' he cried.
'But I can't! I'm naked and my clothes are gone!'
'Take my shoe' he said 'and cover yourself.'
Holding the shoe over her privates, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor,
'Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!'
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, 'There's nothing I can do. He's in too far.'
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| Posted by Kyle Husted on 09-Aug-2005 | Pickup lines'The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my place and spread the word...'
'Hey baby, can I tickle your belly button from the inside?'
'I like every bone in your body especially mine... '
'My face is leaving in 15 minutes be on it...'
'Why don't you sit on my face and let me eat my way to your heart?'
'I may not be Fred Flinstone, but I sure can make your bed rock...'
'Is that a mirror in your pants, because I can see myself in them?'
'When does your centerfold come out?'
'So do ya wanna see something really swell?'
'Is your name Gillette? Because you're the best a man can get...'
'You're like Pringles once I pop you, I can't stop you...'
'You have great legs, what time do they open?'
'If you were a car door, I would slam you all night long...'
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