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| Posted by whatever u. want on 09-Aug-2005 | 3 GalsTHREE WOMEN -- ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.
SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND.
THE GERMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.
THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.
"THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. "I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM."
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG.
THE JAPANESE WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."
THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FELT DECIDEDLY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUTDONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE.
SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER BEHIND.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.
THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FINALLY SAID, "WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT, I'M GETTIN' A FAX!
Submitted by NCrespi
Edited by Curtis and Yisman
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| Posted by Tracy Leigh on 09-Aug-2005 | Sort itHow do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by Stephen Baird on 09-Aug-2005 | Golf confessionA man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
"What is your sin, my child?" the priest asks back.
"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and I feel absolutely terrible."
"When did you do use this awful language?" said the priest.
"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?"
"No, Father." Said the man. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away."
"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the priest again.
"Well, no," said the man, "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the amazed priest.
"No, not yet." The man replied. "As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew towards the green. And as it passed over a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked the now impatient priest.
"No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole."
"You missed the damn putt, didn't you?" sighed the priest.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
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| Posted by Mary J. Brooks on 09-Aug-2005 | Helping outWhat is a man's idea of helping out with housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by Becky Holland on 09-Aug-2005 | Breast examinationAnswering Machine Recording: "You have reached the breast self-examination hot line.
Please press 1 now...
....Now press the other one."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Clark Kent
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| Posted by J D on 09-Aug-2005 | What time?Two housewives were drinking coffee together.
"On my way over here," said Louise, "I developed an awful headache. Do you have any good remedies?"
Her friend Martha responed, "When I get a headache, my husband is the best remedy. He rubs my shoulders, then the back of my neck, caresses my breasts while kissing my tummy, and... Well, you can guess the rest. In no time at all he's soothed the pain away. You should try it!"
"I'd love to," her friend replied. "What time does your husband get home?"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
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