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| Posted by Misty Jenkins on 12-Aug-2005 | 3 kidsBob and sue have been married for 12 yrs. And never have sex with the lights on.
One night sue turned on the lights while they were having sex. And was shocked when she saw her husband with a dildol in his hands.
Sue yelled ???you impatient fucker! You lying son of a??¦???
Bob stopped her and said, ???I??™m a lying son of a bitch? Than maybe you would like to explain our 3 kids????
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| Posted by Vickie Felix on 12-Aug-2005 | Me Tarzan!Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex.
Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for awhile.
Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him.
As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch.
In pain she screamed 'What the hell did you do that for!?'
Tarzan replied, 'Always check for squirrels.'
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| Posted by Big_Robinski on 12-Aug-2005 | DifferenceQ: What's the difference between a girl and a toilet?
A: A toilet doesn't want to cuddle after you drop a load into it.
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| Posted by tigergirl8705 on 12-Aug-2005 | Holiday Banana BreadHoliday Banana Bread:
Ingredients: 2 laughing eyes, 2 loving arms, 2 well shaped legs, 2 firm milk containers, 1 fur-lined mixing bowl, 1 large banana
Instructions: 1 - look into laughing eyes and hold loving arms.
2 - Spread well shaped legs slowly.
3 - Squeeze & massage milk containers until the fur-lined mixing bowl is well greased, check with middle finger.
4 - Add banana, work up and down until well creamed.
5 - Lower nuts and sigh with relief, when banana is soft, bread is done!
6 - Be sure to wash mixing utensils, but "do not lick the bowl." NOTE: If bread rises, leave town.
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():sex jokes (1888): The Rules Of Bedroom Golf! |
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| Posted by Jeremy Penner on 12-Aug-2005 | The Rules Of Bedroom Golf!***The Rules Of Bedroom Golf!***
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary
until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played , or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.
10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been
properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all
times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course
to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case.
12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of,
alignment with, and approach to the hole.
13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission
before attempting to play the back nine.
14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request.
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
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| Posted by I'm Angel on 12-Aug-2005 | Some quick thinking!A man and a woman meet at bar one day and are getting along really well. They decide to go back to the woman's house where they engage in passionate love making.
The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, "Quick my husband just got home, go hide in the bathroom!" So the man runs into the bathroom.
Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her. "Why are you naked?" he asks.
"Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready to recieve you."
"Okay." the man replies "I'll go get ready."
He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands.
"Who the hell are you?!" the man asks.
"I'm from the exterminator company, your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with."
The husband exclaims, "But you are naked!"
The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise, and says...
"Those little bastards!"
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