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| Posted by joran on 09-Aug-2005 | 41 Things Men Know41 Rules Men Wish Women Knew
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3 . Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lent, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
18. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
23. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your oil.
26. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
30. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how
pretty you are?
33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done not both.
35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
36. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
37. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
38. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
39. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
40. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
41. Anyone can buy condoms.
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| Posted by Cabnolen on 09-Aug-2005 | Golden Night DrinkinA man went out drinking with his friends and came home the next morning to find his wife waiting for him. He apologized for worrying her but proceeded to tell her that he had been in the most elegant bar in the world! "Everything was gold.. the carpets, the glasses, the cutlery, the curtains and even the urinal. Here... I have a book of matches in my pocket. Phone if you don't believe me."
The incredulous wife did just that and asked the manager, "Is everything in your establishment really gold?"
"Yes," he replied, "everything is gold colored."
"Even the urinal?" she queried.
The manager put his hand over the phone and said to his bartender, "This is the wife of that guy who relieved himself in the tuba last night."
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| Posted by Brynn Barraclough on 09-Aug-2005 | Getting Grey hairsOne day, Sally and her mother were washing dishes. Susie noticed that her mother was starting to get a few white hairs.
"Mommy, Why do you have so many white hairs?" Sally asked?
"Well, when you do something bad or hurt my feelings, I get another white hair." her mom replied.
"Oh!" Sally said.
She thought for a few minutes, got a puzzled look on her face and then asked her mother, "Why is Grandma's hair all white?"
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| Posted by Lorena on 09-Aug-2005 | Dogs same as MenHow Dogs and Men Are the Same
1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuuming.
3. Both mark their territory.
4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Neither does any dishes.
7. Neither notice when you get your hair cut.
8. Both like dominance games.
9. Both are suspicious of the postman.
12. Neither understands what you see in cats.
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| Posted by Brittani A. Smith on 09-Aug-2005 | Dogs better than MenHow Dogs Are Better Than Men
1. Dogs don't have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you're gone.
3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
4. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
6. Dogs do not play games with you, except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
7. You can train a dog.
8. Dogs are easy to buy for.
9. Dogs understand the word "no".
10. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
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| Posted by Michael W. Roberts on 09-Aug-2005 | Women Only JokeAt the card shop:
A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, "No." A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?"
"I don't know," said the woman. "Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"
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