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| Posted by Yellow Jacket on 09-Aug-2005 | 49 centsOn a trip to the USA, a wealthy Arab fell in love with Susan.
He begged her to marry him, but she refused, saying that she had no intention of leaving America to live in a desert.
Immediately, the Arab bought several grand homes across the USA, from New England to California, and he took Susan on a tour of the homes, flying her from place to place in his private jet.
Susan was impressed, and she agreed to marry him.
Six weeks later, in tears, she phoned her father and asked him to take her back home.
"Whatever for?" asked her father.
"I've married a pervert," she cried.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"I don't want to talk about it," she said. "Just come and take me home."
So her father drove to her New England home.
Arriving there, richly ornate gold gates opened electronically, and he drove along a wide, straight drive lined with oaks and maples.
And at the end of the mile-long drive was a building so grand that it made the White House look like a dog kennel.
He climbed the solid marble steps to huge doors, at least twelve feet tall, and there he met his daughter, waiting for him with her two bags packed and ready to go.
"Oh, father," she cried. "Take me away from here at once. I cannot bear to stay a moment longer."
Her father could not believe that she should want to leave such splendor.
"What's wrong, dear?" he asked.
"The man is a pervert!" she exclaimed.
He asked his daughter to explain this perversion that was upsetting her so.
"When I married him," she sobbed, "my asshole was as tight as a penny piece, and now, it's as big as a half dollar."
"Nay," said her father. "surely you're not go to leave all this for the sake of forty-nine cents!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by LindrosFlyers on 09-Aug-2005 | 300% impotentA woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent.
The doctor says, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean."
She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
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| Posted by Rik Armstrong on 09-Aug-2005 | Memory schoolTwo elderly gentlemen are playing cards on Saturday evening as they have done for the past 35 years. Max, the older, had been having problems remembering what cards were what, and usually needed help from his wife.
At the end of the card game Ed said to Max, "You did very good tonight. You didn't need any help at all. Why is that?"
Max replied, "Why ever since my wife sent me to that memory school, I haven't had any problems at all."
"Memory school? What memory school?"
Max thought for a moment, "Oh, what's that flower that's red with thorns? A really pretty flower...?"
"A rose?"
"Yeah...that's it!" Max turned to his wife and mumbled, "Hey, Rose! What's the name of that memory school you sent me to?"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tanyilazing
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| Posted by Gabi A. Mottola on 09-Aug-2005 | Job Vs WifeWhat's the difference between a job and a wife?
After 20 years a job still sucks.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by Pierce J. Jones on 09-Aug-2005 | Butcher'sOne day, a man comes home from work and greets his wife. Upon seeing him, she asks for $20 to buy meat for dinner.
He leads her to a mirror, holds up the $20 bill and says to her, "Honey, the $20 in the mirror is yours. The other belongs to me."
Satisfied with his "ingenious" remark, he sits back and the incident is forgotten.
The next day, he comes home and greets his wife.
When he goes in the dining room, the table is laden with meats and delicious foods.
Shaken, he asks his wife where she got the money.
She leads him to the same mirror and lifts up her skirt. "See that pussy in the mirror? That one belongs to you. The other belongs to the butcher."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by Jonathon Miller on 09-Aug-2005 | Taper offA wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget.
Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, "You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!"
Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, "Take it easy Dear, can't you see I'm trying to taper off?"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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