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| Posted by Rose Petal on 09-Aug-2005 | 50 Foot PenisThere were three guys that went into a penis shop.
One guy asked for a new wooden penis, so she gave him one and said "Come back tomorrow and tell me if you're satisfied."
So the next guy comes in and asks for a metal penis, so she gives him one and tells him the same thing.
The third guy comes in and asks for a fifty foot penis and she gives him one and says the same thing.
So the next day the first guy comes in and says he didn't like it. He was humping a girl and she got splinters in her.
So she says "You can have your old dick back then".
The next guy comes in and says he was humping a girl and she kept getting cold so he gave him his penis back.
Then he third guy came in and said "I love it"
So then he says, "See that girl over there?" he un- zips his pants then goes.............."I got her".
Editted by Curtis
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| Posted by josh l. dowland on 09-Aug-2005 | In the ActA Howard County Policeman broke up a young couple in the act of lovemaking on a pathway in Columbia.
The girl berated the officer long and loud with a barrage of obscenities.
The boy was silent throughout the confrontation.
The officer arrested them both anyway.
The girl was charged with disorderly conduct, the boy with having an offensive person on his weapon.
Submitted by Calamjo
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| Posted by Dreamer18 on 09-Aug-2005 | Lorena BobbittDo you remember Lorena Bobbitt?
She was in a bloody car accident yesterday!
Some 'dick' cut her off!
Submitted by Curtis
Editted by Calamjo
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| Posted by Timmy Ranga on 09-Aug-2005 | Abe LincolnBack in the colonial days a man wanted to grow hair on his chest to impress his new girlfriend.
So he went up to George Washington and asked "Hey George how do I get hair on my chest
to impress my woman while we make love?"
George Washington said "man, I don't know, you are talking to the wrong man, why don't
you talk to one of the other great fathers of this country like John Adams"
So he went to John Adams, and asked, "Hey John how do I get hair on my chest to impress my girlfriend while we make love?
John Adams said "my son you are talking to the wrong person, you need to talk to Abe Lincoln"
So he went to Abe Lincoln. he said "Sir, how do I get hair on my chest to impress my girlfriend while we make love???"
Abe said "that is easy, every night before you make love, go down there and rub your chest all over it, this will help fertilize it!" so with the advice from Abe he did.
About 3 months later, while walking down the street, he saw Abe, he hollered at him and ripped his shirt open exposing a chest full of hair, and said "it works, it works!!!!"
Abe reached up and stroked his beard twice and said, "I KNOW, I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!"
Editted by Curtis
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| Posted by Cool Beans Girl on 09-Aug-2005 | Guys go golfingTwo guys go golfing.
One guy hits the ball into a buttercup patch.
He heard a voice coming from the patch saying that if he hit the ball out, he would never get any butter on anything for the rest of his life.
The guy is of course very freaked out and calls for his partner,"Where are you?"
His partner replied "In the pussy willows."
The first guy screams "For the love of God, don't swing!"
Editted by Curtis
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| Posted by SEveN UpYuRS on 09-Aug-2005 | The complaintThe complaint:
Ms.B.Haven;
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
The response:
Dear Penis;
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You must be stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
Editted by Calamjo and Curtis
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