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| Posted by james on 11-Aug-2005 | 50th Wedding AnniversaryA man and woman were recently celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. While cutting the cake, the wife was moved after seeing her husband's eyes fill with tears.
The wife took his arm, and looked at him affectionately. "I never knew you were so sentimental." she whispered.
"No . . . No . . ." he said, choking back his tears, "That's not it at all. Remember when your father found us in the barn and told me to either marry you or spend the next 50 years in jail?"
"Yes," the wife replied. "I remember it like yesterday."
"Well," said the husband, "Today I would have be a free man."
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| Posted by Dano Fiveo on 11-Aug-2005 | 2 Story HouseA man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce."
"Because," the man says,"I live in a two-story house."
The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?"
The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.'
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| Posted by Xerxes on 11-Aug-2005 | 1234After a few years of married life , this guy finds that he is unable to perform anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works..
Finally the doctor says to him "this is all in your mind", and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confess, " I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured."
Finally the psychiatrist refers him to witch doctor.. The witch doctor tells , "I can cure this", and throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke ......... The witch doctor says "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The guy then asks the witch doctor "What happens when it's over?"
The witch doctor says "all you have to say is '1234' and it will go down. But be warned it will not work again for a year!"
The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news....... So, he is lying in bed with her and says "123", and suddenly he gets an erection..
His wife turns over and says "What did you say '123' for?
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| Posted by Lee Brooks on 11-Aug-2005 | Bug SprayAn Israeli woman's fight with a stubborn cockroach put her husband in the hospital with burns, a broken pelvis and broken ribs, the Jerusalem Post newspaper reported yesterday.
The woman, frightened by the insect when she found it in their living room, stepped on it, threw it in a,toilet and sprayed a full can of insecticide on it when it refused to die.
Her husband came home from work, went to the toilet and lit a cigarette.
When,he threw the cigarette butt into the bowl, the insecticide fumes ignited, "seriously burning his sensitive parts," the Post wrote.
When paramedics were called to the home in Tel Aviv, they laughed so hard when they learned what had happened that they dropped the stretcher down the stairs, breaking the unidentified man's pelvis and ribs.
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| Posted by Cory W. Whorton on 11-Aug-2005 | Brave SoulSunday morning services were going very smoothly when suddenly a flash of light and smoke appeared in front of the pulpit followed by a large "BOOM". When the smoke cleared, the astonished congregation saw a red figure complete with horns, pitchfork and tail.
Immediately, panic set in. People crowded through the doors, trampling each other in their rush to get away. Satan watched the retreat with great glee, but his mood was disturbed by the sight of one man still lounging comfortably in his pew.
"Do you not know who I am?", Satan thundered.
The man's reply was nonchalant, "Sure I do."
Satan was puzzled. "Do you not fear me?"
"Nope."
"Why not?"
The man snorted, "What for? I been married to your sister for 35 years!"
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| Posted by Samantha Taraboletti on 11-Aug-2005 | BingoA wife comes home at 3am and her husband meets her at the door.He askes her where she got the big diamond ring that she is wearing? She says,"I won it playing BINGO, run me a tub of water, I want to soak."
The next night the wife comes home at 3am and her husband meets her at the door and she has on a beautiful fur coat. He asks her where she got it from and she says, "I won it playing BINGO. Run me a tub of water, I want to soak."
The next night the wife comes in at 3am driving a new convertible. Her husband asks her where she got the new car from and she says, "I won it playing BINGO. Run me a tub of water, I want to soak."
She undresses and goes into the bathroom then comes right back out and asks her husband, "Why did you only put one inch of water in the bathtub?"
Her husband replies, "I didn't want you to get your BINGO card wet!"
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