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| Posted by Notum on 09-Aug-2005 | 6 Double vodkasA guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says "Wow!, you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender says "Geez! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by yo mama jokes on 09-Aug-2005 | DesperateA lady, desperate for companionship took out an ad in the local paper.
It read: I need a man who won't beat me up... won't run away with other women, but he's gotta be great in bed.
The next day the doorbell rang, and she found a quadrapalegic on her doorstep.
"You have no arms." she said.
He answered, "I won't beat you."
"You have no legs." she protested.
He said, "I won't run away with other women!"
Embarassed she inquired, "How can you be great in bed?"
He answers, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Kurht R. Engle on 09-Aug-2005 | Things were tougherThere were three prostitutes living together, a mother, daughter and grandmother.
One night the daughter came home looking very down. "How did you do tonight?" asked her mother.
"Not too good," replied the daughter. "I only got $20 for a blow job."
"Wow!" said the mother, "In my day we gave a blow job for 50 cents!"
"Good God!" said the grandmother. "In my day we were just glad to get something warm in our stomachs!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by Matt P on 09-Aug-2005 | Small penisThis couple has been dating for about four months, but the guy had been afraid of making any sexual advances because of his tiny organ.
Finally, he gets up his courage and takes her to a secluded spot in his car.
While they are kissing, he opens his zipper and guides her hand onto his penis.
"No thanks," the girl says. "You know I don't smoke."
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Castro C. Ntsebeza on 09-Aug-2005 | HoroscopeAquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.
Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) - You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.
Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) - You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.
Taurus (April 23 - May 22) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.
Gemini (May 23 - June 22) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
Cancer (June 23 - July 22) - You are sympathetic and understanding of other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.
Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) - You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) - You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. You are a worthless piece of shit.
Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22) - You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by LP05 on 09-Aug-2005 | Clever midgetA guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that he is being watched by a midget.
Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the guy doesn't get uncomfortable until the midget drags a small stepladder up next to him, climbs it, and proceeds to admire his privates at close range.
"Wow," comments the midget, "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"
Surprised and flattered, the man thanks the midget and starts to move away.
"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them?"
Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request.
The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "Okay, hand me your wallet or I'll jump off the ladder!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
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