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| Posted by Jennifer Wallace on 11-Aug-2005 | 7 Word ObituaryA woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word.
She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read, 'Billy Bob died'."
Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am, there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries."
Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says, "In that case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died - 1983 Pick-up for sale.'"
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| Posted by Jody R. wood on 11-Aug-2005 | 100 CamelsAs US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts.
After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.
"America," the husband replied.
Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded. "She's not from the States."
"Yes I am." said the wife.
He looked at her and asked, "Is he your husband?"
"Yes." she replied.
Turning to the husband, he offered.... "I'll give you 100 camels for her." The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, "she's not for sale."
After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."
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| Posted by Katie E. Hanna on 11-Aug-2005 | 50 YearsWell there was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table that morning and the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here as naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered,"What do you say...Should we?" Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps, "One's in your coffee and the other one's in your oatmeal."
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| Posted by james on 11-Aug-2005 | 50th Wedding AnniversaryA man and woman were recently celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. While cutting the cake, the wife was moved after seeing her husband's eyes fill with tears.
The wife took his arm, and looked at him affectionately. "I never knew you were so sentimental." she whispered.
"No . . . No . . ." he said, choking back his tears, "That's not it at all. Remember when your father found us in the barn and told me to either marry you or spend the next 50 years in jail?"
"Yes," the wife replied. "I remember it like yesterday."
"Well," said the husband, "Today I would have be a free man."
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| Posted by Dano Fiveo on 11-Aug-2005 | 2 Story HouseA man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce."
"Because," the man says,"I live in a two-story house."
The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?"
The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.'
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| Posted by Xerxes on 11-Aug-2005 | 1234After a few years of married life , this guy finds that he is unable to perform anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works..
Finally the doctor says to him "this is all in your mind", and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confess, " I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured."
Finally the psychiatrist refers him to witch doctor.. The witch doctor tells , "I can cure this", and throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke ......... The witch doctor says "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The guy then asks the witch doctor "What happens when it's over?"
The witch doctor says "all you have to say is '1234' and it will go down. But be warned it will not work again for a year!"
The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news....... So, he is lying in bed with her and says "123", and suddenly he gets an erection..
His wife turns over and says "What did you say '123' for?
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