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| Posted by Gen_Aftertaste on 09-Aug-2005 | 75 Year Old HusbandOn the fourth day of their honeymoon, the 21 year old bride was begging for mercy from her 75 year old husband.
Rather than endure yet another lovemaking session, she slipped out of the room while he was showering and went to the hotel coffee shop.
The waitress, who had served the couple breakfast each day, was shocked at the woman's appearance.
"Honey, you're just a young thing," she remarked, "but you look like hell. What's up?"
"I've been double-crossed," the miserable bride moaned. "When he said he'd been saving up for 50 years, I thought he meant CASH!"
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| Posted by M CO on 09-Aug-2005 | Poker MatesLeaving the poker party late, as usual, two friends compared notes.
"I can never fool my wife." the first complained. "I turn off the car's engine and coast into the garage, take off my shoes, sneak upstairs, and undress in the bathroom.
But she always wakes up and yells at me for being out so late and leaving her alone."
"You got the wrong technique my friend." his buddy replied. "I roar into the garage, slam the door, stomp up the steps, rub my hand on her ass and say 'How about a little ?'
She always pretends to be asleep!!!"
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| Posted by Rose Petal on 09-Aug-2005 | Is The Coast Clear?The phone rings in the middle of the night.
Before the wife can get it, her husband answers.
He hears a man's voice asking if the coast is clear.
"Jesus, man " he hollers "how the hell should I know? The ocean's 30 miles east of here."
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| Posted by PIMP on 09-Aug-2005 | Miss RightI married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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| Posted by ben kiesel on 09-Aug-2005 | After I'm GoneFred had not been feeling well, so he went to his long time doctor.
The doctor did some tests and walked back into the room.
"Fred, I have some bad news for you, and I really don't know how to tell you. I've rerun all the tests and double checked the results. You are going to die of cancer. There is no cure for what you have. You have about 6 to 8 weeks to live."
"Well Doc, I am glad you told me straight out though. Now I can get all my personal affairs in order."
The doctor felt badly about Fred and the next day was at the gym when he heard two guys talking. "Did you hear about Fred?" "Yeah, I heard that he is dying of AIDS!"
This really upset the doctor and he rushed over to a telephone to call Fred.
"Hello Fred? Did you understand what I told you yesterday?"
"Of course Doc. I am dying of cancer and have 6 to 8 weeks to live."
"But I just heard two of your friends say you were dying of AIDS."
"Yeah Doc, I know. You see, after I am gone, I don't want anyone screwing my wife!"
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| Posted by Mike Cook on 09-Aug-2005 | VasectomyMary and Betty were friends that worked in the same office.
At lunch, Betty confided to her co-worker that she had an awful row with her husband the night before.
"What was it about?" asked Mary.
"He was going through a closet, looking for something, and found my birth control pills."
"Well what is the problem with that?"
"He had a vasectomy two years ago!"
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