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| Posted by DeLio on 13-Aug-2005 | A bit too cozyA fellow stops by to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. They talk for a while and then the friend asks, "My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go get me my shoes please?"
The guest obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees his friend's daughters, both very good looking. Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he says: "Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me up here to make love to you!"
They stare at him and say, "That can't be!"
He replies, "OK, let's check!"
He shouts down the stairs to his friend, "Both of them?"
The reply comes back, "Yes, both of them!"
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| Posted by Lyn Le on 13-Aug-2005 | Swinging on the beachGoldie was sitting on a beach in Florida, attempting to strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside hers.
"Hello, sir," she said, "Do you like movies?"
"Yes, I do," he responded, then returned to his book.
Goldie persisted. "Do you like gardening?"
The man again looked up from his book. "Yes, I do," he said politely before returning to his reading.
Undaunted, Goldie asked, "Do you like pussycats?"
With that, the man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as she'd never been ravaged before.
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a sitting position and panted, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man thought for a moment and replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?
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| Posted by Avidan Ackerson on 13-Aug-2005 | Sleeping overCharlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn't start, and it was too late to call the local service station.
The husband urged Charlie to stay over. There was no spare bed in the house; there wasn't even a sofa. So Charlie would have to sleep with the husband and wife.
No sooner had the husband fallen asleep when the wife taped Charlie on the shoulder and motioned for him to come over to her.
"I couldn't do that," he whispered. "Your husband is my best friend!"
"Listen, sugar," she whispered back, "there ain't nothing in the whole wide world could wake hime up now."
"I can't believe that," Charlie said. "Certainly if I get on top of you and screw you, he'll wake up won't he?
"Sugar, he certainly won't. If you don't believe me, pluck a hair out of his asshole and see if that wakes him."
Charlie did just that. He was amazed when the husband remained asleep. So he climbed over to the wife's side of the bed and fucked her. When he finished, he climbed back to his own side. It wasn't long before she tapped him on the shoulder and beckoned him over again. Again he pulled a hair to determine if his old friend was asleep. This went on eight times during the night. Each time Charlie screwed the woman, he first pulled out one of the husband's asshole hairs.
The ninth time he pulled a hair, the husband awoke and muttered: "Listen, Charlie, old pal, I don't mind you fucking my wife, but for Pete's sake, stop using my ass for a scoreboard!"
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| Posted by Jessica L. Harwood on 13-Aug-2005 | Saving it for marriageJohn and Mary had been high school sweethearts, but they had never had sex. "We'll have to wait until we are married." She told him. So he waited...
They are engaged three years and finally the big day rolls around. On their wedding night, Mary comes out of the bathroom, and announces, "I have some bad news. I have my period, and I don't want our first time to be all bloody." John exclaims, "You're kidding!" Mary flatly informs him, "We'll just have to wait a bit longer."
Mary goes to sleep and wakes up at 3 am to get a drink. On her way back to bed, she notices Johnny wide awake staring at the ceiling. "There's no use John," she said. "You might as well go to sleep." He responded quickly, "I would, except my dick's so hard there's not enough skin left to close my eyes."
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