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| Posted by Caro Starfish on 12-Aug-2005 | A black and a white guy in heaven.A white guy and a black guy died and were on their way up to Heaven and they had to stop at the Pearly Gates before they could enter. So the Angel Gabriel was there waiting for them, and he told them that they had to do something before they could go anywhere.
He told the white guy to pull down his pants, so he did and Gabriel grabbed his dick and squeezed. It instantly melted. The white screamed in pain, and was sent downstairs.
Gabriel told the black guy to do the same, and he grabbed his dick and squeezed but nothing happened.
When Gabriel asked him why it didn't affect him, he said, "This is the type of chocolate that melts in your mouth and not in your hands".
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| Posted by Cynthia G. Simpson on 12-Aug-2005 | SmallQ.What are three, two letter words that describe small?
A. Is it in?
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| Posted by Jerica E. Faglie on 12-Aug-2005 | ViagraI took one of those viagra tablets the other day, it got stuck in my throat and I had a stiff neck for about eight hours!
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| Posted by Cameron Gaut on 12-Aug-2005 | Top ten things men would do if ...TOP TEN things men would do if they woke up and had a vagina for a day:
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes...BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
1. And, the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with a vagina...
Finally find that damned G-spot.
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| Posted by Adam R. Culbertson on 12-Aug-2005 | Tip of the icebergA traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day's meeting, he called down to "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him, "but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes."
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his head in the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he ever received in his life.
Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures 25 cents." "Why not?" thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and pulled them out perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a huge sign that read, "This Machine Provides What Men Need Most When Away from Their Wives - cost 50 cents." The salesman was embarrassed and looked both ways. Seeing nobody around he put in fifty cents, then unzipped his pants and stuck his "thing" into the opening - with great anticipation, since he had been away from his wife for two weeks.
When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony. Fifteen seconds later it shut off and, with trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his "thingy"...
Which now had a button sewed on the tip.
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| Posted by Pete Makiha on 12-Aug-2005 | Meeting of the body parts!THE BODY PARTS MEETING
One day the different parts of the body were having an argument to see which should be in charge:
The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
The hands said: "Without me we wouldn't be able to pick anything up or move anything. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
The stomach said: "I turn the food we eat into energy for the rest of you. Without me, we'd starve. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
The legs said: "Without me we wouldn't be able to move anywhere. I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
Then the rectum said: "I think I should be in charge." All the rest of the parts said: YOU?!! You don't do anything! You're not as important as we are, surely! You can't be in charge!"
So the rectum closed up... After a few days, the legs were all wobbly, the stomach was all queasy, the hands were all shaky, the eyes were all watery, and the brain was all cloudy. They all agreed that they couldn't take any more of this and agreed to put the rectum in charge.
The moral of the story? You don't have to be the most important to be in charge.... just an asshole!
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