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| Posted by MaZter0fNtrigue on 09-Aug-2005 | A Close ShaveA man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer.
"Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.
After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.
"And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber.
"Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
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| Posted by harmonie on 09-Aug-2005 | Women's LegsThe most recent survey about women showed that 10 percent of the men interviewed liked women with thin legs.
Another 15 percent preferred muscular legs.
The rest liked something in-between.
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| Posted by Kristen S. Roy on 09-Aug-2005 | Sherlock the AbuserDoctor Watson was told by Sherlock Holmes' gardener that there was a doubtful looking schoolgirl in Holmes' bedroom. Watson heard strange muffled sounds coming from the bedroom and, fearing that Holmes was danger, broke down the door to find Holmes and the girl indulging in a 69.
"Good God Holmes!" said Watson, "What kind of a schoolgirl is this?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson, Elementary."
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| Posted by Kallos RaMar on 09-Aug-2005 | Blind SportsA blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him.
???I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go.???
"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.
"Well, I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground", he answered.
"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.
He quickly answered, "Oh that? The dog's leash goes slack!"
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| Posted by Nathan Paxton on 09-Aug-2005 | Funny Business SignsQuirky Business Signs
* On the door of a dental office: We cater to cowards!"
* On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
* On the trucks of a local plumbing company: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
* Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
* Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
* In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
* Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!"
* On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
* In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
* On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."
* At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
* In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait!"
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| Posted by Rody G. Prot on 09-Aug-2005 | Three BuddiesThree buddies die in a car crash. They go to heaven and attend an orientation.
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket, and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, "Look! He's moving!"
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