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| Posted by Notorious Big on 09-Aug-2005 | A Cow from MinskThe only cow in a small town in Poland stops giving milk, so the villagers buy one from Minsk for only 1,000 rubles.
Because the cow is so wonderful, they buy a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it.
However, whenever the bull goes near the cow, the cow moves away.
The people are upset and decide to talk to the sage.
They tell him what's happening: "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from behind, she moves forward."
The sage thinks about this for a minute and asks, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?"
The people are dumbfounded. "Yes," they say. "How did you know?"
The sage answers sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by Nancy P. Lynam on 09-Aug-2005 | FuneralTwo men were fishing when a funeral march passed by.??????
The first man stands up, bows his head and places his hat on his chest.
The second man says "Thats nice."
The first man replies, "Well, we were married over 25 years."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by Jim Neill on 09-Aug-2005 | UnwelcomeBob took his Saint Bernard to the vet.
"Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail."
The vet stepped back, "Bob, why should I do such a terrible thing?"
"Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Eagle on 09-Aug-2005 | HomesickA manufacturer's technician was in a small town in the Carolinas, repairing some new specialized machinery, when his trip was suddenly prolonged for an extra month due to some problems in completing the job.
He was already getting bored with the the town. It seemed as if they rolled up the streets and turned out the lights by ten o'clock. Over the course of the extra month he was getting very homesick.
Finally, he gave in to temptation and visited the local brothel on the outskirts of town.
He entered and handed the madam a hundred dollar bill and requested, "Give me the worst performing , most lethargic, disinterested whore in the house?"
The madam says, "Well yes, but for this kind of money, you can have the best we have if you like."
"No, no," says our boy, "you don't understand, I'm not horny, I'm married and just homesick."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by Lance Cole on 09-Aug-2005 | Not tonightOne night Jerry brought home a dozen red roses to his wife.
"How lovely, dear," she said. "What's the occasion?"
"I want to make love to you," he said simply.
"Not tonight, dear. I have a headache," answered his wife.
The next night Jerry came home with a big box of chocolates and explained that he wanted to make love with her.
"I'm awfully tired, honey," said his wife. "Not tonight."
Every night for a week Jerry brought home something, but each time his wife's answer was no.
Finally he came home with six black kittens with little red bows around their necks and handed them to his wife.
"How adorable, Jerry!" she exclaimed. "But what are they for?"
The husband replied, "These are six little pallbearers for your dead pussy."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by Marc C. Fryer on 09-Aug-2005 | Unfaithful wifeA husband suspects his wife is having an affair.
He needs to go on a business trip for several days, so he decides to set a trap for her.
He puts a bowl of milk under the bed. From the bed springs, he suspends a spoon.
He has it calibrated so that her weight on the bed will not drop the spoon into the milk.
But, if there is any more weight than that, the spoon will drop into the milk and he will detect it upon his return home.
He comes home several days later.
The first thing he does is reach under the bed and retrieve the bowl.
The bowl is full of butter....
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
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