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| Posted by Patrick J. Beverly on 09-Aug-2005 | A crying shameA woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed.
In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.
She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning.
She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.
"What's wrong with you?" she asked him. "Remember when your father caught us fooling around when you were 16?" he replied.
"And remember, he said, I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison."
Baffled, she said, "yes, I remember. So?"
"Well...I would have gotten out today!"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Joke 'O' Joke on 09-Aug-2005 | Moment of truthA man goes to visit the grave of his mother, puts a beautiful bouquet at the headstone and gets up to leave when he notices another man crying his heart out, lying on one of the graves in such a way that he breaks the other man's heart.
The sobbing goes on and on and he hears the other say,"Oh why? Why did you have to die? Why did you go?"
And then he breaks down sobbing again, hitting his head over the headstone, still crying, "Oh why did you die? Why did you go so soon?"
Intringued, the other guy goes to him and says, "I'm so sorry for your loss, is there anything I can do for you? Who is the person you are crying over so desperately?" he asks, in compassion.
"That's my wife's third husband," comes the reply between sobs. "I'm number four."
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Mira Maines on 09-Aug-2005 | The next oneAfter a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers.
"I'm busy," he said. "I'll do the next one."
The next time came around and she asked again.
The husband narrowed his eyes as he looked at his wife. "I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
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| Posted by Sarah Magruder on 09-Aug-2005 | Careful what you sayCareful what you say if she's pregnant!
17. "I finished the Oreos."
16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds."
15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!"
14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"
13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl!"
12. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."
11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."
10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
9. "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"
8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"
7. "Get your *own* ice cream."
6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."
5. "Got milk?"
4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."
3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"
2. "Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water..."
And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant:
1. "You don't have the guts to pull that trigger..."
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Yakke on 09-Aug-2005 | My Husband's HomeA man came down with the flu and was forced to stay home one day.
He was glad for the interlude because it taught him how much his wife loved him.
She was so thrilled to have him around that when a delivery man or the mailman arrived, she ran out and yelled,
"My husband's home! My husband's home!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
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| Posted by ammooni on 09-Aug-2005 | Bad ToothA man and his wife entered the dentist's office.
"I want a tooth pulled," the man said. "We are in a big hurry, so let us not fool around with gas or Novocain or any of that stuff."
"You are a very brave man," remarked the dentist. "Which tooth is it?"
"Show him your bad tooth, honey," said the man to his wife.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
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