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| Posted by Box Social on 09-Aug-2005 | A Daring New PositioHusband: Shall we try a new position tonight? Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board and I'll sit on the couch and drink beer and fart!
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| Posted by Christina M. Ashworth on 09-Aug-2005 | Girl FriendThis boy just takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"
"What? You're crazy???!!!" "Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor..."
"At this time of the night no one will show up."
"I've already said NO, and NO!"
"Honey, it's just a small blowie... I know you like it too."
"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"
"My love.. don't be like that.."
At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in her night gown with hair totally in disorder, rubbing her eyes and says."
Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will comedown and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake to tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"
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| Posted by Tiffany Brown on 09-Aug-2005 | Say What!After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?"
he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?"
he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?"
demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
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| Posted by Hugo Limberskin on 09-Aug-2005 | DADDY DADDY!An eight year old boy comes home from school and says "Daddy! Daddy! What is the difference between a pussy and a cunt?"
The dad says, "No, I cant tell you that! You're too young!" The son goes, "NO I'm not daddy! Please tell me."
So the father says alright and takes the boy into the bedroom. When they walk into the room, the boys mother is fast asleep. So the dad pulls back the covers, and like always, the mother is lying there without any panties on. The father points in between her legs and says, "You see that? That's a pussy!" The son asks, "Oooo! Can I pat it?"
The father reply's, "NO! You'll wake up the cunt!"
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| Posted by bob d. mackland on 09-Aug-2005 | Pick up lines that m1. If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?
2. I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
3. If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!
4. How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
5. I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face.
6. You are so fine that I'd eat your shit just to see where it came from.
7. My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
8. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like spaghetti. Let's go fuck.
9. Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would love to tap that ass!
10. If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, could I meet you between the holidays?
11. You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you!
12. Your parents must be retarded, because you are special. 13. Could I touch your belly button . . . from the inside? 14. I'm not too good at algebra, but doesn't U+I = 69?
15. How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.
16. Guy: "Would you like to dance?"
Girl: "I don't care for this song and surely wouldn't dance with you."
Guy: "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants"
17. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house. 18. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?
19. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.
20. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
21. Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead, yield?
22. I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this motel room.
23. Wanna play Pearl Harbor?....Its a game where I lay back while you blow the hell out of me.
24. Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be. 25. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money? 26. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
27. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.
28. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
29. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
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| Posted by Brian m. Spillner on 09-Aug-2005 | Sexual PositionWhich sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother.
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