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| Posted by leon burley on 10-Aug-2005 | A Daring New PositionHusband: Shall we try a new positon tonight?
Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board and I'll sit on
the couch and drink beer and fart!
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| Posted by David P. Coyle on 10-Aug-2005 | Good, Bad, WorseGood: Your children are sexually active.
Bad: With each other
Worse: And your wife.
Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: Getting arrested.
Worse: By your husband
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: The techer is a he.
Good: You go home for a quickie.
Bad: you get caught by your wife
Worse: You're with her sister.
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| Posted by Charisma K. Carsinoger on 10-Aug-2005 | Magic PuddleOne day, a policeman walked by and saw a drunk man sitting
in a puddle.
"Hey, are you drunk?" asked the policeman.
"No! I'm just resting!" said the drunk man in a lazy voice.
" ow is that so? Well, if your not drunk, what time is it?"
The drunk man raised his arm, as if to point at something,
and raised the other arm to cross the first arm over and
said, " It's 12:43!"
"Amazing!" said the policeman. It was indeed 12:43! "How
did you do that?"
"Hee, hee, hee, magic!" he said in a drunk voice. This
happened for 2 more times and the drunk man got it right
every time. The policeman puzzled that for a moment and
left only to come back to ask the drunk man how he did it.
"Oh ok! Don't push me!" he said. " I'll tell you how I did
it only if you sit with me in this puddle."
" What? No, I'm not sitting in that puddle." said the
policeman.
" Ok, then you will not learn my secret."
" Well,ok, but only if you promise to tell me your trick."
"Ya, ya I will."
So the policeman stepped in the puddle, and sat down near
the drunk man. " Ok, I'm in the puddle, now what?"
"Well, turn to face that way, and look at that very large
building," He pointed, " Do you see it?"
"Ya I see it, so what?" Said the policeman.
"Well, then I bet that you see that the building is BIG BEN
the clock tower."
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| Posted by lisa m. kanicki on 10-Aug-2005 | What a stupid mama!Yo mama's so stupid she got hit by a parked car.
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| Posted by Weet on 10-Aug-2005 | Intellectual Bathroom GraffitiCindy Lou Edleman Performs Quality Sexual Favors
Your Mother and Father Are of the Same Genetic Background
Mexicans Smell Vaguely of Jalapenos
Last Night You Enjoyed Carnal Pleasures With Your Sister
Your Intelligence Quota is Dubious at Best
For a Moderate Fee I Believe Your Mother Would Fellate Me
You Have Had Intimate Relations With a Person of African
Descent and You Shall Never Know the Love of a Caucasian
Again.
You Look Upon Your Dog With Lust
Methinks You Have the Odor of Fecal Matter Upon You
I Partook in Intercourse with Your Sister??™s Derriere
The Acne on Your Face Spreads Throughout Your Nether
Regions
The People of France Know Not the Joys of Deodorant
A Hamster is Superior in Intelligence to Your Mother
For An Evening of Sordid Delights Involving Both Sadism and
Masochism, Please Ring Mary at 212.555.5555
Ryan Beaugarde is Inadequate in the Ways of Oral Enjoyment
The Heavy Metal Rock Band Entitled Motley Crue is Quite
First-Rate
Your Sexually Promiscuous Mother Can Be Found in the Phone
Book Under "Whore"
Homosexuals Are Men Who Have Intercourse With Other Men. If
You Participate in Such Activities You Are A Homosexual
Your Father??™s Proclivities Lead Him to Engage in Relations
with Livestock
President Bush is Missing a Chromosome
The Toilet Upon Which You Currently Sit is Sprayed with a
Mixture of Vomit, Feces and Urine.
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| Posted by Josh Fife on 10-Aug-2005 | A hip young man goes out and buys the bestA hip young man goes out and buys the best car on the
market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most
expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He
takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.
An old man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls
up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny
car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there sonny?"
The young man replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a
million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it
cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states
the young dude proudly.
The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"
"No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his
head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's
a pretty nice car, all right...but I'll stick with my
Moped!"
Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the
old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within
30 seconds, the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he
notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be
getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and
suddenly WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH! Something whips by him going
much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the
young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes
the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees
that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped
could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the
moped at 275 mph. WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH! He's feeling pretty good
until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining
on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas
pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not
ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him
again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can
do!
Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari,
demolishing the rear end. The young man stops and jumps out
and unbelievably the old man is still alive. He runs up to
the mangled old man and says, "Oh My God! Is there anything
I can do for you?"
The old man
whispers..."Unhook...my...suspenders...from...your...side-
view......mirror".
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