|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by OWEN PSYCO on 14-Aug-2005 | A Day At the BeachOne day a man decides to go to the beach. Not just any beach,
but a nudist beach. After he arrives, he finds a soft patch of
sand, lays out his towel, and settles in, reading a magazine.
Five minutes later, a young boy of about five, walks over and
asks: "What is that?" The man, startled by the shrill voice,
answered, obviously annoyed, "That is my duck." The boy
replies, "Can I play with her?" The man goes, "No, go away."
Another five minutes pass, and the boy returns to him, asking a
similar-yet-different question: "What are those?" The man rolls
his eyes and says, "Those are the duck's eggs." The boy asks,
"Can I play with them?" The man says again, "No, go away!" Yet
another five minutes pass, and the boy comes back. "What is that
hairy thing?," he asks. The man begrudgingly says, "That is the
duck's nest." The boy asks, "Can I play with-" But the man
interrupts him. "NO, would you go away, I need to take a nap!"
So the boy leaves, and the man falls fast asleep.
He wakes up in the hospital, freaking out that he is there,
because he is not sick, grabs a nurse. "What in blue blazes am
I doing here," he yells. The nurse says, "I don't know, why
don't you ask the little boy, he was there the whole time." He
grabs the boy and asks angrily, "What have you done to me? Why
am I here?"
The boy innocently replies, "Well, you fell asleep, so I figured
you wouldn't mind if I played with your duck. So I played with
him until he spat on me, so I broke her neck, cracked her eggs,
and burnt her nest!"
Hmm. I wonder how he was raised...
|
3 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Joe Skager on 09-Aug-2005 | Difficuilt to sayDifficult words to say when you are sober......
* Innovative
* Preliminary
* Proliferation
Impossible words to say when you are drunk.....
* Thanks, but I don't want sex
* No, I don't want another drink
* No Kebab for me, thank you
* Sorry, but you are not quite good looking enough for me
* Good evening Officer
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
|
2 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by David Zielinski on 14-Aug-2005 | 5 things a guy would never say1.)Hey would you like to send the day at the outlet mall?
2.)Oh My God!!! you got your nails done
3.)Oh no I don't want to go to the football game. Let's stay
home and cuddle.
4.)I don't think you have enough shoes.
5.)I think I should get my cuticles done.
6.)Here you can have the remote.
7.)Carson Daily is SO deep.
8.)Sunday night football? I'd much rather watch Ally!!
9.)Doesn't that shirt look so good on Eric!
10.)It's ok with me if you date more then one guy!!!
|
2 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Beck Rose on 14-Aug-2005 | Buying CondomsAn man walks up to a clerk at a pharmacy and asks to buy some
condoms. The clerk asks, "What size do you wear?" The man
replies, "I don't know." The clerk unzips his pants and takes a
feel. She then picks up the intercom and says, "Large condoms to
aisle 4 please." The man zips up his pants and leaves.
Later another man walks up to the clerk and asks to buy some
condoms. He doesn't know his size either. The clerk unzips his
pants and takes a feel. She then picks up the intercom and says,
"Medium condoms to aisle 4 please." The man zips up his pants
and leaves.
A while later a teen comes in, shaking nervously. "Let me
guess," says the clerk, "condoms?" "Yes", he replies, "but I
don't know my size." She checks, picks up the intercom, "Clean
up aisle 4!"
|
2 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Lindsay Drue Whitley on 09-Aug-2005 | Daddys homeSaturday morning and Bob's just about to tee off for a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming round at noon.
So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
'Hello,' says a little girl's voice.
'Hi, honey, it's Daddy,' says Bob. 'Is Mummy near the phone?'
'No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank.'
After a brief pause, Bob says,
'But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey.'
'Yes I do and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mummy.'
'Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do. Put the phone down, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mummy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car's just pulled up outside the house.'
'Okay, Daddy.'
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
`Well I did what you said, Daddy.'
'And what happened?'
'Well, Mummy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran round and round screaming, then she tripped over the rug and fell out the front window and now I think she's all dead.'
'Oh my God... and what about Uncle Frank?'
'He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too.'
There is a long pause, then Bob says,
'Swimming pool. . . what swimming pool? Is this 555-*** ....?'
|
12 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Charlie W. Schwartz on 14-Aug-2005 | KissesAn engineering student is walking on campus one day when another
engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. "Where did you get
such a rockin' bike?" asked the first. The second engineer
replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own
business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw
the motorcycle to the ground, took off all her clothes and said
'Take what you want.' " The second engineer nodded approvingly.
"Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl
asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much
does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking
male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten
yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his
face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth,
then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and
pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will
pay the bill," she smiled.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
