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| Posted by Meg Bailey on 10-Aug-2005 | A Dirty ForkA blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is
also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a
dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from
there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks
up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to
him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook
happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened.
The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly
brings him a menu again.
"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll
take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing
around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man
comes in he's going to test him.
The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming
and runs to the kitchen.
He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take
it to the blind man."
Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in
and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have
the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says,
"Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..."
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| Posted by Blake A. Mcarthur on 10-Aug-2005 | Two Deaf PeopleTwo deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that
they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights
because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of
fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.
"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance,
at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast
one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast
one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great
idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one
time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times."
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| Posted by Farzad F. Rad on 10-Aug-2005 | SneezesA man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class on a plane. The
woman sneezes, then takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man
isn't sure he saw what she did, and decides he is probably hallucinating.
A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue and gently
wipes it between her legs. The man is about to go nuts. He can't believe that
he's seeing what she's doing. A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet
again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs yet again. The
man has finally had all he can handle.
He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and three times
you've taken a tissue and wiped it between your legs! What kind of signals are
you sending me, or are you just trying to drive me crazy?"
The woman replies, ???I am sorry to have disturbed you, sir. I have a rare
condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."
The man, now feeling bad, says, "Oh, I'm sorry. What are you taking for it?"
"Pepper", she replies.
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| Posted by Black Dog on 10-Aug-2005 | Home-comingAfter the end of the finnish war, a young female reporter from a british
newspaper was sent to finland to write an article about the soldiers
home-coming. she had interviewed half a dozen, when she met pokka on the street.
"excuse me," she said "but were you in the war?"
"yah, i was in the infantry."
"would you mind to answer a few questions for a newspaper article?"
"ned, i wouldn't mind at all."
"when you came home, when the war was over, what was the first thing you did?"
"i f***** my wife." pokka said bluntly. the journalist went crimson, and
tried desperately to change the subject.
"after that. i mean, what you did after that?"
"i f***** her again." he answered. if possible the journalist turned even
redder, and got even more desperate to change the subject.
"other than that! uh - what did you do when you was finished with all that?!"
"then i untapped my skis and my heavy backpack."
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| Posted by David G. Romriell on 10-Aug-2005 | Not that kind'a guyA cowboy walks into a Saloon after he rode 150 miles on his horse in one day.
He had a drink about two weeks ago, but he had himself a lady about two months
ago.
He enters the saloon sits down and orders a whiskey. He sees that he is the
only one in the bar except for the bartender. "Sorry, barkeep, tell me, you got
any gals around here???? the cowboy asks "No sir, 'Round here is only you, me, and
'Old George, there attar back," the barkeep replies as he shows in the direction
of the toilet with his head.
"No," shouts the cowboy, "I am not that kind??™s guy."
So the cowboy just sits and orders another whiskey. After he had about half a
bottle he asks the barkeep the same question as earlier. He gets the same
answer:
"No sir, Round here is only you, me, and 'Old George, there attar back. Again
the cowboy says, "No way am I not that kind??™s guy." So he just drinks and
drinks.
The more he drinks the hornier he gets. After he had about two bottles of
whiskey he asks the barkeep the same question and gets the same answer. But he
is so horny by now that he decides 'Old George there attar back will have to do,
but he doesn't want anybody to know that he did 'Old George there attar back.
So he asks the barkeep: "If I do 'Old George there attar back, who's going to
know about it?" The barkeep answers: "Well, sir It will be me, you, 'Old George
there attar back, and the four guys holding him down, 'cause he isn??™t that kinds
guy either!"
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| Posted by U R A Freaky Person on 10-Aug-2005 | Mating catsVeterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home from
tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and
a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went
happily to bed.
At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?" asked an
elderly lady's voice.
"Yes, it is", replied the vet, "Is this an emergency?"
"Well, sort of", said the elderly lady, "there's a whole bunch of cats on the
roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I can't get to sleep. What can I
do about it?"
There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied
"Open the window and tell them they're wanted on the phone"
"Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that stop them?"
"Should do," said the vet, "- IT STOPPED ME!"
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