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():sex jokes (1888): A Distinct Lack Of Imagination |
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| Posted by Janus G on 10-Aug-2005 | A Distinct Lack Of ImaginationThere was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been traveling
so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the
desert so the man turned to his camel.
He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran
away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride
again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to
his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and
goes on it again.
Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a
road. There was a broken down car with three big cheated beautiful blondes
sitting in it.
He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.
The hottest girl said,"If you fix our car we will do anything you want."
The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.
When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr."
After thinking for a short while he replied,??? Could you hold my camel?"
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():sex jokes (1888): An Excellent Costume Party Idea |
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| Posted by gumby85 on 10-Aug-2005 | An Excellent Costume Party IdeaIt was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail
through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole
family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift
envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at
the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in
a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door,
and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most
passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant
breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed
orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming
coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under
the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said,
"but what the dollar is for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last
day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give
you."
He said, "f*** him, and give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
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| Posted by Koolgirl Skittlehead on 10-Aug-2005 | Admiring Our Own WorkA pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was
completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer
sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a
month.
A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar
up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who
also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and
even a dog.
After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm
only here to listen to the music."
"Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."
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| Posted by daniel bud on 10-Aug-2005 | Communication BreakdownTwo 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman,
"Well, tonight's the night we have sex!"
And so they did.
As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I
knew she was a virgin, I would have been much gentler with her!"
And the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I knew the old geezer could
actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!"
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| Posted by Stibly Shibmaster on 10-Aug-2005 | Wish FulfillmentA man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary.
as the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked
the husband: "when you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going
through your mind?"
the husband replied: "all i wanted to do was to f*** your brains out, and suck
your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "what are you thinking now?"
he replied: "it looks like i did a pretty good job."
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():sex jokes (1888): At The Counselor??™s Office |
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| Posted by Bazigar on 10-Aug-2005 | At The Counselor??™s OfficeA young couple on the brink of divorce visits a marriage counselor. The
counselor asks the wife what is the problem.
She responds ???My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."
The counselor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?"
The husband replies "Well not exactly, it's her that suffers not me."
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