A doctor had the reputation

"On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue."

"Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut."

The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests.

Then he told the Greens the bad news. "I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be. I cannot help."

The Greens pleaded with him, and said, "You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please help us."

"Well, all right", the doctor said. "On your way home from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of cheerios..."

An office manager had money

Then the manager thought he'd wait & see who would leave work the earliest, and both employees stayed after closing. Jill finally went to the coat rack & the manager went up to her & said, "Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off."

Jill said, "Well, you'd better jack off, because I'm late for my bus."

This guy decides he's going

The next morning as he steps out of the shower, his wife grabbed his
penis and says, "If you firmed THIS up a bit, I wouldn't need to keep
sleeping with your brother."

A man goes into his

One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, granddaddy dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.

The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified. The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.

Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. "Good God, Dear," he proclaims, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life!" She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning."

The sky was dark
The moon

The sky was dark

The moon was high

All alone just she and I

Her hair was soft

Her eyes were blue

I knew just what



She wanted to do

Her skin so soft

Her legs so fine

I ran my fingers

Down her spine



I didn't know how

But I tried my best

I started by placing

My hands on her breast



I remember my fear

My fast beating heart

But slowly she spread

Her legs apart



And when I did it

I felt no shame

All at once

The white stuff came



At last it's finished

It's all over now

My first time ever

At milking a cow.....

The Top 15 Ways Your

15. Wet willies from two tables away!

14. Almost guaranteed to be Madonna's sole boyfriend for at least a week or two.

13. Now can carry *two* dozen donuts while juggling.

12. Much easier to clean behind the refrigerator.

11. You can finally do that 3-puppet show without getting arrested.

10. Two-handed typing during cybersex!

9. Interested in Anna Nicole Smith but you're 18, healthy and poor? Not a problem anymore!

8. You'd be a shoe-in for Hollywood "Lizard Boy" roles.

7. For once, it'll be the dog's turn to look at you with envy.

6. You'd need Mick Jagger's lips & John Elway's teeth to stay in proportion.

5. When picking nose, can "cut out the middle man."

4. Tie a cherry stem with your tongue? Hell, gobble a handful and weave a friggin' picnic basket!

3. Increased number of taste buds finally allows one to discern between Kool-Aid flavors.

2. Your previously-neglected navel would suddenly be your second cleanest body part.

and the Number 1 Way Your Life Would Change if Your Tongue Were 2 Feet Long...

1. The counselor at Oversized Features Anonymous shows interest in you, but you can't help but question her motives.