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| Posted by C Heath Ratliff on 09-Aug-2005 | A Dollar for IsraelA customs agent stopped an old Jewish man who had just immigrated to Israel and asked him to open his two suitcases.
In the first suitcase he found over a million dollars in one dollar bills.
"Excuse me, sir" he asked the old gentleman, "where did you get all this money?"
"Vell, I'll tell you," the old man began, "for many years, I travelled all around America, I stopped at all of the public rest rooms in all the major cities; I vent to New York, then I vent to Chicago, then I vent to San Francisco. I vent into all the stalls here the men were spiriting and I say 'Give me a dollar for Israel or I'll cut off your testicles vit my knife.'"
"That's quite a story," the customs agent said, "what's in the second suitcase?"
"Vell, you know," said the old man, shaking his head, "not everyone likes to give..."
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| Posted by doodlebug two on 09-Aug-2005 | Knowing When You'Fellow 1: "Now my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that too."
Fellow 2: "Wow, that's Incredible. How did he know all of that?"
Fellow 1: "A judge told him."
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| Posted by MaZter0fNtrigue on 09-Aug-2005 | A Close ShaveA man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer.
"Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.
After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.
"And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber.
"Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
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| Posted by harmonie on 09-Aug-2005 | Women's LegsThe most recent survey about women showed that 10 percent of the men interviewed liked women with thin legs.
Another 15 percent preferred muscular legs.
The rest liked something in-between.
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| Posted by Kristen S. Roy on 09-Aug-2005 | Sherlock the AbuserDoctor Watson was told by Sherlock Holmes' gardener that there was a doubtful looking schoolgirl in Holmes' bedroom. Watson heard strange muffled sounds coming from the bedroom and, fearing that Holmes was danger, broke down the door to find Holmes and the girl indulging in a 69.
"Good God Holmes!" said Watson, "What kind of a schoolgirl is this?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson, Elementary."
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| Posted by Kallos RaMar on 09-Aug-2005 | Blind SportsA blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him.
???I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go.???
"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.
"Well, I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground", he answered.
"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.
He quickly answered, "Oh that? The dog's leash goes slack!"
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