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():love jokes (2491): A father charges into the bathroom and starts yell |
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| Posted by Jizzle on 10-Aug-2005 | A father charges into the bathroom and starts yellA father charges into the bathroom and starts yelling at his son "Son! How
many times have I told you not to do that? Stop it! If you keep doing that,
you'll go blind!"
The son replies: "I'm over here, Dad."
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():love jokes (2491): A teacher notices that a little boy .... |
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| Posted by Rey Jose on 10-Aug-2005 | A teacher notices that a little boy ....A teacher notices that a little boy at the back of the class is squirming
around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She goes back to find
out what's up. He's quite embarrassed and whispers that he has just recently
been circumcised and he's quite itchy.
The teacher has him go down to the principal's office, to phone his mom, and
ask her what he should do about it.
He does this and returns to the class, sits down in his seat and suddenly,
there's a general commotion at the back of the room.
Back down she goes, only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis
hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom," she says.
"I did," he says???, and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon,
she'd come and pick me up from school???.
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| Posted by Jack B. Quick on 10-Aug-2005 | Innocent ManA man comes home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the
bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and
panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He
rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old
son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Mick's hiding in your wardrobe and
he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his
screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his
brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.
"You bonehead!" says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack, and you're
running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!"
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| Posted by Aseidy Jhan on 10-Aug-2005 | A husband, wife, and a sonA husband, wife, and a son walk into an ice-cream shop.
The dad says, "I'll have a chocolate???. The wife says, "I'll have a vanilla???.
Then the dad slaps his son in the back of the head and says, "What do you want
fat head?"
The lady helping them says "Why did you hit him in the back of the head and
call him fat head?"
The husband says, "There are three things in life a man wants:
The first thing is a nice big truck. And you see that nice big truck sitting
there (outside) that's my nice truck!!!
The second thing in life a man wants is a nice big house. You seen that nice
big house on top of the hill on the edge of town? That's my big house!!!
The third thing in life a man wants is a nice tight pussy, and I had that
until fat head came along!!!"
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():love jokes (2491): Mueller with his wife and mother-in-law . |
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| Posted by RYAN KRISHNAN on 10-Aug-2005 | Mueller with his wife and mother-in-law .Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a Far East country. At
a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native
people take as an insult to the royal family.
Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are
sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them is to receive 50 lashes on the
rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn't want to appear
hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand,
as long as it is able to be fulfilled.
Mrs. Mueller is first.
"What do you wish for yourself?"
"I would like a pillow bound on my rear end before the lashings."
"Okay, that shall be granted to you."
Mrs. Mueller has the pillow bound to her rear end and receives her punishment.
But because the pillow is too small and the executioner also hits her back a
couple of times, she receives a few blows.
Next it is Mueller's mother-in-law's turn.
"What do you wish for yourself?"
"I would like a pillow bound on my rear end and a pillow bound on my back
before the lashings."
"Okay, that shall be granted to you."
The mother-in-law receives her fifty lashes, but hardly feels the pain through
the pillows.
Then comes Mueller himself.
"What do you wish for yourself?"
"I have two wishes. Do you want to fulfill them for me?"
"Because you are a guest in our country, we want to fulfill your wishes for
you, as long as they are reasonable."
"I would like 100 lashes instead of 50."
The executioner is surprised, but recovers again right away and replies, "Yes,
that is a pious wish, it shall be granted to you. And what is your second wish?"
"I would like to have my mother-in-law bound to my back."
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| Posted by Laurie D on 10-Aug-2005 | First GradersIt??™s the first day back after the holidays for the primary ones (first
graders), and the teacher decides to ask each of the children to tell a small
story about their fathers.
So the teacher points to little Katy and asks, "Katy, what does your daddy
work as?"
And Katy replies "my daddy's an aircraft pilot, and he flies people all over
the world and makes them very happy???.
The teacher then asks little David what his daddy does.
"My daddy is a postman, miss, and he delivers letters and parcels to people
sent from all over the place, and he makes people happy."
The teacher turns too little Susan and is about to ask the same question as
the others, but Susan suddenly bursts into tears. The teacher rushes over to
console her. "Whets wrong Susan?"
"My daddy is dead, miss" she replies.
"Awe.... I didn't know that. I??™m so sorry"
"It??™s ok" she choked out, through tears.
"So tell me Susan, what did your father do before he died?"
"He s*** the bed and turned blue, miss".
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