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| Posted by funnygirl on 11-Aug-2005 | A Good ColdAfter a long day at the office the woman sat back in her seat on the train and waited for it to pull out of the station. Just then a middle-aged man settled into the seat next to her. All of a sudden the man sneezed loudly, before proceeding to unzip his trousers, wiping his penis with his hankerchief. Horrified, the woman edged away and buried her head in her book...
Just then he sneezed again. Once again he unzipped himself and wiped his penis. Now very uncomfortable, the woman glared at him in disgust... but he did it again... sneezed, unzipped his trousers and wiped his penis... the woman could not contain her herself any longer.
"What on earth are you doing?!" She cried...
The man looked embarrassed..
"Well you see," he replied, "I have this cold at the moment... every time I sneeze I have an orgasm"
"Oh dear!" exclaimed the woman, "that must be terrible... What are you taking for it"
..."Pepper" he replied.
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| Posted by Chuk Bonyata on 11-Aug-2005 | How about you?Two men at the same hotel are out on the balcony.
First man-I'm on my honeymoon. How about you?
Second man-Yeah, me too.
First man-I had sex with my wife before we were married. How about you?
Second man-Shit, I don't know. What was her maiden name
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| Posted by Ana N. Facchin on 11-Aug-2005 | Dumb Pick up linesAll those curves, and me with no brakes.
Are your legs tired? You've been running through my mind all day long.
Bond. James Bond.
Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call my mom and tell I just met the girl of my dreams.
Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call your mother and thank her.
Can I buy you a car?
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Can I flirt with you?
Can I have directions to your heart?
Can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Do you have a quarter? My mother told me to call home when I met the girl of my dreams.
Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
Do you like apples? How about I take you home and screw the hell out of you, how'd you like them apples?
Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?
Do you take it up the ass?
Do you want to go out for a pizza and a screw? What, don't you like pizza?
Forget that. Playing doctor is for kids. Let's play gynecologist.
Hi, do you know why you should masturbate with these two fingers? Because they're mine.
I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go screw
Screw me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
Screw me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?
Sex is a killer, so do you want to die happy?
That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.
Want to screw like bunnies?
I think we must make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels now.
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| Posted by DaftBat on 11-Aug-2005 | Little Race CarOnce there was a little boy named Jimmy. One day jimmy asked his Dad if he could take a shower with him. His Dad said OK but don`t look down. So they got in and Jimmy looked down and said "Daddy what`s that?" His Dad said that is my limo. That same day Jimmy asked his mother if he could take a shower with her. She said OK but only if you don`t look up and you don`t look down. So they got in and Jimmy looked up and asked "What are those?" and his mom said those are my head lights. Then Jimmy looked down and he asked his mom "What is that?" She said that is my garage. Jimmy said Oh! Later that evening Jimmy decided that he wanted to sleep with his parents in their bed. They said OK but don`t look under the covers. The next morning at the breakfast table Jimmy exclamed
"Mommy! Last night I squeesed your head lights to make them turn on but it didn`t work! Jimmy!" his mother yelled. "Why did you do that? Well," Jimmy began, " Daddy was trying to park his limo in your garage but my little sports car beat him in!"
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| Posted by Fluffy on 11-Aug-2005 | My Daddy is betterThere are three little boys standing outside the first little boy says my daddy is best because he can drink 24 beers,the second little boy said thats nothing my dad can drink 48 beers, the third little boy said my dads got all ya'll beat he can eat a light bulb, the other little boys said how do you know this the little boy said well I heard him tell mom to "turn out the light and I'll eat it"
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| Posted by Alex Dubrovskiy on 11-Aug-2005 | Two CanadiansTwo Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.
Mike:"I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder."
"Rob:What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light."
Miike:"What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."
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