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| Posted by Deborah L. Dallmeyer on 14-Aug-2005 | A gut-wrenching fart storyA man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or
nine years of marriage, his wife finally said, if you fart any
more, you'll fart your guts out. Being a butcher, the wife
decided to put pig scraps in his pants so he would wake up, and
not do it anymore. She put the scraps in his pants that night.
He woke up in the morning and went across the hall to the
bathroom. Two long hours later, he came out and stated, honey,
you were right about me farting my guts out BUT WITH THE GRACE
OF THE DEAR LORD AND THESE TWO FINGERS. I GOT THEM BACK IN
THERE.
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| Posted by Guillermo Macias on 14-Aug-2005 | My Penis HurtsOne day a tacher went to work and when she got there her class
was already in the room, she noticed a little boy scratching
his Penis Because it Hurt. She said whats going on. He Said my
penis hurts so bad. The teacher said go call your mom. When
the boy got back in the room the teacher wasnt there so he asked
his class mate where she went . When the teacher came back in
the room she seen the boy with his penis out of his pants. She
said what are you doing and he said my mom would come at noon
and she said stick it out till noon.
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| Posted by Brooke A. Wilds on 14-Aug-2005 | lollipop manin a small town there lived 3 boys.teir names were john, greg,
and the smallest one with a squeaky voice,dan.they went to the
woods to hang out.it got dark and they couldn't find their way
back.dan spotted a light and they thoughti was the town. as they
got nearer they saw it was a little house. they knocked on the
door. and an old lady answered.they told her what happened. she
felt bad for them and told them that they could eat dinner and
sleep the night at her house as long as they didn't go in the
basement.as soon as the old lady fell asleep they tip toed down
to the basement.on the walls in picture frames there were
dicks.the old lady came in smiling."i told you not to go here.
now i'm gonna have to cut yours of too." she said. she went to
john and said asked him what his daddy did."my dads a surgeon"
he said.so she took his of surgically. gregs dad was a butcher.
the old lady copped his of.she went to dan but to her surprise
he was laughin histerically." what are you laghing about?" she
asked. well, he said, my daddy sells lollipops... i guess your
gonna have to suck mine of.
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| Posted by bar jokes on 14-Aug-2005 | Speech ProblemThere is a man named Jon and he has a speech problem and
sometimes what he wants to say doesn't come out the way he wants
it to.
So one Saturday afternoon he decides he needs to do some
shopping! So he goes to the grocery store and says: "Can I have
some bum?"
The store clerck replies: "What?"
Jon says again:"Some bum!"
The store clerck then says: "Sir if this is you idea of a joke
then I'm gonna call the police!"
Jon argues: "No,no some bum!" and points to the gum
The store clerk is quick to apologize and lets Jon have the gum
for free.
Jon then goes to the hardware store and asks:"Can I have a
fuckit?"
"Excuse me sir?" replies the clrek
"You heard me a fuckit!" and he points to the bucket
"Oh so sorry, it's on the house", the clerk says
Jon then relizes the one thing he could use in life would be a
dog and he goes to the pet shop, so he goes in and says:"Can I
have a cock and spank it?"
"A what asks the shopkeeper?"
"A cock and spank it!" and annoyedly points to the cocker spaniel
"O of course sir, 100 dollars"
So Jon buys the dog.
On Jon's way home his new dog escapes and hurriedly looking for
help he sees an old lady sitting on the curbside waiting for
someone. Jon goes up to her and says:"Excuse me could you hold
my bum and fuck it while I go find my cock and spankit!"
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| Posted by Whit on 14-Aug-2005 | Call Me LuckyA man named Bob was walking down the street when he saw his old
friend Craig. Craig says, "Hello Bob. But Bob tells him not to
call him Bob but to call him Lucky. "Why should i call u lucky?"
says Bob."
"Well i was walking down the street the other day and had just
stopped on the side of the road. Then the light went green and i
began to cross the road. Seconds later, a safe fell from the
building directly under where the man was standing.
"Wow thats pretty lucky." says Craig. So they say goodbye and
walk away. Craig sees bob again next week and says "Hi Lucky.
Bob tells him not to call him Lucky but to call him Lucky Lucky.
Craig asks him why and Bob says, "I was crossing the road when i
tripped over and hurt my ankle. I was about to get up when i saw
a car speeding down the street. i was trying to get up but it
was getting closer and closer. All of a sudden the car crashed
into another car that was coming from side on.
"Wow thats pretty lucky" says Craig and they say goodbye and
leave. Next week Bob is walking down the street and he sees
Craig again. Craig says, "Hello Lucky Lucky." Bob says "don't
call me Lucky Lucky. Call me lucky lucky lucky."
Bob tells him that just the other day he took his girlfriend out
to dinner and they were both incredibley horny so they went to a
hotel and were getting it on when the shandalier fell and
smashed his girlfriends cunt.
Craig says,"Whats so Lucky about that?"
Then Bob answers, well if it happened 10 seconds earlier it
would have cut my head off!"
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| Posted by Andy Smith on 14-Aug-2005 | Yellow DickA man goes to the Doctor 4 a routine checkup and the doctor asks
him to take off his clothes and sit on the bed. When the man
sits on the bed the doctor notices that his penis is a strange
yellowy colour.
"Did you know that your penis is yellow?" asked the Doctor.
"No I didn't," replied the man.
"What have you been eating or doing in the past 24 hours?"
"Well all I've done is eaten cheetos and watched pornos."
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