A guy goes to the

The man replies, "I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now."

So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a $100 bill on his penis.

So, he tells the man that he really needs to know the reason why and says that the man can keep the $1000 he would have paid for the tatoo if he would just tell the reason for putting a $100 bill on his willie.

So, the man consents and offers these three reasons: "First, I like to play with my money. Second, I like to watch my money grow. And third, and most importantly, the next time my wife wants to blow $100, she can stay home to do it."

1. Each player

2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole.

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well formed bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear.

10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a private course.

11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.

12. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.

13. Slow play is encouraged; however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request.

14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

15. The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.

16. Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at a given course. Additional assessments may be levied by the course owner and the rules are subject to change.

A woman could never

One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said
sweetly, "Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?" Her
husband snarled, "What do I look like? The tidy-bowl man?" and sat
down on the sofa.

The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn't work. When her husband got
home, she said, very nicely, "Honey, the disposal won't work. Would you
try to fix it for me?" Once again, he growled, "What do I look like?
Mr. Plumber?"

The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband
got home, she steeled her courage and said, "Honey, the washer isn't
running. Would you check on it?" And again was met with a snarl, "What
do I look like? The Maytag repairman?"

Finally, she had had enough. The next morning, the woman called three
repairmen to fix the toilet, the garbage disposal, and the washer.
When her husband got home, she said, "Honey, I had the repairmen out
today." He frowned, "Well, how much is that going to cost?" "Well,
honey, they all said I could pay them by baking them a cake or having
sex with them."

"Well, what kind of cakes did you bake them?" he asked. She smiled.
"What do I look like? Betty Crocker?"

Nike Condoms: Just do it.

Toyota

Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.

Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.

Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.

Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.

Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten millon strong and growing.

Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but Ph balanced for a woman.

Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple.

Ford Condoms: The best never rest.

Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.

Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?

New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey-- you never know.

California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?

Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.

KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.

Coca Cola Condoms: Always a Real Thing.

Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.

Cambells Soup Condoms: Mm, mm good.

The Carl's Jr. Condom: If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face...

General Electric: We bring good things to life!

AT&T condom: "Reach out and touch someone."

Bounty: The quicker picker upper.

Microsoft: where do you want to go today ?

Energizer: It keeps going and going and going....

M&M condom: "It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!"

Chevron: use them? people do.

Taco Bell: get some; make a run for the border

MCI: for friends and family

Double Mint: Double your pleasure, double your fun!

The Sears latex condom: One coat is good for the entire winter!

Delta Airlines travel pack: Delta's ready when you are!

United Airlines travel pack: Fly United!

The Star Trek Condom: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before

It was another Payday, and I was tired of...

Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and,
Uno, it was like pure Almond Joy. I couldn't help but grab her
delicious Mounds 'cause it was easy to see that this little Twix had
the Red Hots. It was all I could do to hold back a Snicker and a
Krackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she
started to scream, "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!"

Soon she was fondling my Peter Paul and Zagnuts and I knew
it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milkduds clear to Mars and gave
her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked if I was into m&m, but I
said, "Hey Chiclet, no kinky stuff." I then said, "Look you little
Reece Piece, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you just take
my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit O' Honey?" (What a piece of
Juicyfruit she was, too). She screamed, "Oh, Crackerjack, you're
better than the Three Musketeers!" as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky
Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup.

Well, I was givin' it too her Good 'n' Plenty, when all of
a sudden...my Starburst.

Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow a bit
Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure enough, nine
months later, out popped........a Baby Ruth.

A man walks into a

Sure enough, he comes into the store the next day, repeating his actions once more. The assistant duly follows. Half an hour later, he returns.

"So did you follow him?"

"I did."

"And...where did he go?"

"Over to your house..."