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| Posted by cony on 09-Aug-2005 | A guy in a
A guy in a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun.
"Open the fucking safe!" he yells at the woman behind the
counter.
"But we're not a real bank," she replies, "we don't have
any money, this is a sperm bank."
"Don't fucking argue, open the fucking safe or I'll blow
your head off!" says the guy with the gun. She obliges and
once she's opened the safe door the guy says, "Take out one
of the bottles and drink it."
"But it's full of sperm!' she replies nervously.
"Don't argue, just drink it' he says. She pries the cap
off and gulps it down."
"Take out another one and drink it, too!" he demands.
She takes out another and drinks it as well. Suddenly the
guy pulls off the mask and to the woman's amazement it's
her husband!
"There!" he says, "it's not that fucking difficult is
it?!"
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| Posted by Brian G. Hurley on 09-Aug-2005 | One day when the
One day when the teacher walked to the black board,
she noticed someone handwritten the word 'penis' in
tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the
class looking for the guilty face.
Finding none, she quickly erased it,and began her
class.The next day she went into the room, and she
saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' again on the
black board.
Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit,
but found none, so she proceeded with the day's
lesson.
Every morning, for about a week, she went into the
classroom and found the same word written on the board,
each day's word, larger than the previous day's word.
Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted
by the same word on the board, but instead, found the
words,
"The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"
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| Posted by Jeff R. Snow on 09-Aug-2005 | Guy goes to a doctor
Guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is
orange." Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he
can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. Doc tells the guy,
"This
is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress
in a person's life."
Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How
are
things going at work?" The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks
ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. Guy
responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of
overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I
found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm
getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really
great guy." So the doc figures this isn't the reason.
He asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got
divorced about eight months ago." The doc figures that this has got to be
the reason for all of the guys stress. Guy says, "No. For years, all I
listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old
bitch."
So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer.
He inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?" The guy replies,
"No, not really. Most nights I sit home, watch some porno flicks and
munch
on Cheetos."
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| Posted by Anton Ko on 09-Aug-2005 | Three prostitutes -- a mother,
Three prostitutes -- a mother, daughter and grandmother -- lived together.
One night the daughter came home looking very down.
"How did you do tonight, dear?" asked her mother.
"Not too good. I got only 20 dollars for a blow job."
"Wow!" said the mother. "In my day we gave a blow job for 5 dollars."
"Good God!" said Grandma. "In my day we were just happy to get something
warm in our stomachs!"
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