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| Posted by Baby-Doll on 14-Aug-2005 | A Hanging AffairThis guy is at a dance and spots a really great looking girl at
the next table facing him. So he walks over to her and asks if
she would like to dance. She said, "I don't dance." He then
takes her by the hand to lift her up when he notices she was in
a wheelchair. Feeling terrible he apologizes and says, "Allow me
to take you on a date to make up for what I have done." She
agrees to the next Saturday night.
He arrives to pick her up and meets her father, who is about 6'6
and 260lbs who informs him to be good to his little girl. They
go to a drive-in and see a R rated movie and the guy gets pretty
worked up but her being the way she was he does nothing except a
lot of kissing.
On the way home she says she was surprised that he has not tried
anything, and that she was horny as hell. He asks, "What can we
do with the way you are?" She replies, "Stop at the big oak tree
on the way home and
They stop and she says, "Carry me over to the tree." He does and
finds two ropes hanging down with loops in the bottoms. She
says, "Put each one of my legs in the rope and we can get
started." He does and they are there for about two hours before
he takes her home.
On the way home she says, "I just have to tell my dad about what
a great time I had tonight and what a great lover you are!" He
pleads for her not to and thinks he can get her to the door and
be gone before she can do so.
When they arrive at the door her dad opens it when they walk up.
She tells him as soon as the door is opened and the father grabs
the guy by the arm and says, "I want to shake your hand, because
they usually leave her hanging in the tree and I have to go get
her down."
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| Posted by Cute One on 14-Aug-2005 | Very Twisted JokesDefine "Egghead:" What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
What do you call a man who cries when he masturbates? A
tearjerker.
What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive? Popeye
almost killed him.
What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a
knot? "How come".
Why are cowgirls bowlegged? Cowboys like to eat with their hats
on.
What is the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A geneologist looks up your family tree. A gynecologist looks up
your family bush!
How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb? Just one,
but it takes an entire emergency room to get it out!
What's the definition of a teenager? God's punishment for
enjoying sex.
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| Posted by Jokester Man on 14-Aug-2005 | Magic MirrorA woman walked into an antique store that was down the street
from her home. As she wondered around the store the clerk asked
her what she was interested in. She said she was interested in
buying a mirror.
He showed her a couple mirrors then told her he had a special,
magic mirror in the back. She laughed, and said yeah, right! He
showed her to the mirror and told her: All you have to say is
"Mirror Mirror on the door" then asked for anything. She gave it
a try.
Mirror Mirror on the door---Make my breast a 44
"KABOOM"
She had some huge breast
she ran down the street to her house to show her husband. He
seen her and said "damn, what the hell happened"? she told him
of the magic mirror on the corner. He raced out the door headed
to the antique shop. As he arrived he told the clerk he wanted
to try the magic mirror. The clerk took him out back where the
mirror was and told him what to say. The man looked at the
mirror and said
Mirror Mirror on the door--make my dick touch the floor
"KABOOM"
His legs fell off.
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| Posted by BabyLissa on 14-Aug-2005 | Tattoos of Mike Tyson and Riddick BoweOne day a lady walked into a tattoo parlor and asked the tattoo
artist, "Are you good?" He replies, "But of course!" She said,
"I need a tattoo of Mike Tyson on my left inner thigh and a
tattoo of Riddick Bowe on my right inner thigh. But I won't pay
if they don't look like them." The tattoo artist agreed to the
condition. She undressed and he started the tattoos.
After he finished the tattoos, she said, "Let's ask the next
person who walks in whether they look like Mike Tyson and
Riddick Bowe." A little while later a man walks in. She spread
her legs and asked the man, "Do they look like Mike Tyson and
Riddick Bowe?" The man replied, "I don't know, but that son of a
bitch in the middle sure looks like Don King."
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| Posted by I B. Insane on 14-Aug-2005 | You got crabsMy version of ( I got friends in low places )
Oh, you got crabs in low places
where the doche juice runs and the queer chases
your crabs away...
oh.. you'll be ok...
Oh you got full off of tuna fish,
and just biting those places that seem to itch
oh you got crabs... in low places
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| Posted by steven d. schnuelle on 14-Aug-2005 | PeriodsWhat's the difference between 3 golf balls and a period?
You can't gargle 3 golf balls!!!
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