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| Posted by Josh Fife on 10-Aug-2005 | A hip young man goes out and buys the bestA hip young man goes out and buys the best car on the
market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most
expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He
takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.
An old man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls
up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny
car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there sonny?"
The young man replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a
million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it
cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states
the young dude proudly.
The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"
"No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his
head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's
a pretty nice car, all right...but I'll stick with my
Moped!"
Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the
old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within
30 seconds, the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he
notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be
getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and
suddenly WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH! Something whips by him going
much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the
young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes
the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees
that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped
could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the
moped at 275 mph. WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH! He's feeling pretty good
until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining
on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas
pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not
ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him
again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can
do!
Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari,
demolishing the rear end. The young man stops and jumps out
and unbelievably the old man is still alive. He runs up to
the mangled old man and says, "Oh My God! Is there anything
I can do for you?"
The old man
whispers..."Unhook...my...suspenders...from...your...side-
view......mirror".
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| Posted by Twiggy Ramirez on 10-Aug-2005 | Dear Abby: My husband is a liar and a cheatDear Abby:
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from
the beginning. When I confront him, he denies everything.
What's worse is everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so
humiliating!
Also, since he lost his job two years ago, he hasn't even
looked for a new one. All he does is sit around the living
room in his underwear and watch TV while I work to pay the
bills.
And since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even
pretend to like me. He keeps calling me a lesbian.
What should I do?
Signed, Clueless
Dear Clueless:
Dump him. You're a New York Senator now. You don't need him
anymore.
Abby
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| Posted by Educated Olive on 10-Aug-2005 | Radio silenceRadio Silence
Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game ?
Brian: Yeah, sure.
Presenter: O.K., Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex?
Brian: Ha Ha, well, about 8 o'clock this morning.
Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian ?
Brian: Hmmmmm .... about 10 minutes.
Presenter: 10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it?
Brian: Ohhhh , I can't say that.
Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian !
Brian: O.K. ... O.K. ... On the kitchen table.
Presenter: (and others in the room - much laughter). Good one Brian, now is it
O.K. for us to call your wife ?
Brian: Yeah, alright.
Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you ?
Sharelle: Hi. Good thanks.
Presenter: (Explains competition again) We've got Brian on the other line, say
hello.
Sharelle: Hi Brian.
Brian: Hi Sharelle.
Presenter: Now Sharelle, we're going to ask you the same three questions we
asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to Bali.
Brian: Just tell the truth Honey.
Sharelle: O.K.
Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex ?
Sharelle: Oohhhh, noooooo. I can't say that on radio.
Brian: Sharelle, it doesn't matter. I've already told them.
Sharelle: O.K. ... About 8: 00 this morning before Brian went to work.
Presenter: Good, nice start ! Next question. How long did it go for Sharelle
?
Sharelle: (giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes.
Co-Presenter: That's close enough ... Brian was just being a gentleman.
Presenter: O.K. Sharelle, final question. Where did you do it ?
Sharelle: Oh no I can't say that. My mum could be listening. No way, no.
Presenter: There's a trip to Bali on the line here.
Brian: Sharelle, I've already told them so it doesn't matter anyway.. just
tell em.
Sharelle: Ohhhh .... alright .... Up the ass !
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| Posted by joeyo on 10-Aug-2005 | A coupleA couple were having financial problems until finally they couldn't stand it
any more. The husband said to his wife that is was necessary for her to make
some money through prostitution to get by.
So the husband drove her to the place where she had to do the job and in the
evening he picked her up again.
"So, how much have you earned today?" the husband asked.
"Well", the woman responded, "I've made one hundred dollars and fifty cents."
"That's strange", the husband responded, "who gave you the fifty cents?"
Said the woman: "All of them, of course!"
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| Posted by Andy on 10-Aug-2005 | Women??™s lib in EgyptAn archeologist returned to Egypt a few years after WWII ended having been
earlier chased out from the digs by the Nazi Invasion.
Through the local grapevine he contacted his old trusted pre-war guide Ahmed
and arranged to meet him at the crossroads to the digs they used to meet at
before the war.
at the specified date the archeologist waited at the crossroads and viewed his
guide approaching him and as they met and warmly embraced, he exclaimed "Ah -
Ahmed it is wonderful to see you again after all these years. But tell me this,
before the war when we met you would be riding the donkey and your wife would
walk in the dust 20 yards behind you. But today we meet an your wife now rides
the donkey and you walk behind her 20 yards in the dust. What is happening, do
we now have Women??™s Liberation in Egypt."
Ahmed sadly shook his head no and replied - "Ah Effendi - we have women??™s lib
here in Egypt - yes - but this is much, much worse LAND MINES."
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