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| Posted by swarm on 10-Aug-2005 | A husband and wifeA couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede
their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked,
"relatives of yours?"
"Yep???, the husband replied, "In-laws???.
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| Posted by Joe B. Bob on 10-Aug-2005 | An elderly man in PhoenixAn elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin
your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing,
forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call
your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck
they're getting divorced," she shouts???, I??™ll take care of this." She calls
Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced.
Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and
we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and
hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says,
"They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares now what do we tell
them for Christmas.
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| Posted by Bear on 10-Aug-2005 | Steve and his girl friendSteve is shopping for a new motorcycle. he finally finds one for a great
price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains, he has to smear vaseline
over the spot where the seal should be.
his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. he rides his
new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "no matter what
happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." she tells him, "our family had a
fight awhile ago about doing dishes. we haven't done any since, but the first
person to speak at dinner has to do them."
steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. dishes are
piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. so steve
decides to have a little fun. he grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table,
and has sex with her in front of her parents. his girlfriend is a little
flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back
down, but no one says a word.
a few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table, and does a
repeat performance. now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her
mother is a little happier. but still there is complete silence at the table.
all of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. steve
remembers his motorcycle. he jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline. when he
witnesses this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams,
"okay, enough already, i'll do the f****** dishes!"
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| Posted by Twiggy Ramirez on 10-Aug-2005 | A boy and his girl friendA boy takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when
they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her,
"Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"
"What? You're crazy?"
"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor..."
"At this time of the night no one will show up."
"I've already said NO, and NO!"
"Honey, it's just a small bowie... I know you like it too."
"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"
"My love. Don??™t be like that."
At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in nightgown with hair
totally in disorder, rubbing her eyes and says. "Dad says either you have to
blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob
himself, but for God's sake to tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the
intercom!"
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| Posted by Max Margulies on 10-Aug-2005 | Can I borrow that mule?Her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place, visited a
newlywed farmer and his wife. The Farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to
his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic
relationship.
To no avail, she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes,
offering unwanted advice, and making life unbearable to the farmer and his new
bride.
While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up
and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.
At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and
greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a man would
whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something.
Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake
his head, no and mumble a reply.
Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer
what that was all about. The farmer replied, "The women would say, 'What a
terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would
ask, 'Can I borrow that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'can??™t. It's
all booked up for a year.'
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| Posted by Philip Jennings on 10-Aug-2005 | A rural coupleA rural couple had made sacrifices to save money to send their only son to
college. Once there, he began to grown long sideburns, a mustache, and a goatee.
When his facial hair was luxurious enough to satisfy him, he had his photograph
taken and mailed it home with a note that read: "Fascinating, no? Don't I
perhaps look like a count?"
"You idiot!" His father wrote back. "Here we are spending a fortune on your
education and you can't even SPELL!"
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