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| Posted by Aseidy Jhan on 10-Aug-2005 | A husband, wife, and a sonA husband, wife, and a son walk into an ice-cream shop.
The dad says, "I'll have a chocolate???. The wife says, "I'll have a vanilla???.
Then the dad slaps his son in the back of the head and says, "What do you want
fat head?"
The lady helping them says "Why did you hit him in the back of the head and
call him fat head?"
The husband says, "There are three things in life a man wants:
The first thing is a nice big truck. And you see that nice big truck sitting
there (outside) that's my nice truck!!!
The second thing in life a man wants is a nice big house. You seen that nice
big house on top of the hill on the edge of town? That's my big house!!!
The third thing in life a man wants is a nice tight pussy, and I had that
until fat head came along!!!"
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():love jokes (2491): Mueller with his wife and mother-in-law . |
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| Posted by RYAN KRISHNAN on 10-Aug-2005 | Mueller with his wife and mother-in-law .Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a Far East country. At
a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native
people take as an insult to the royal family.
Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are
sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them is to receive 50 lashes on the
rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn't want to appear
hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand,
as long as it is able to be fulfilled.
Mrs. Mueller is first.
"What do you wish for yourself?"
"I would like a pillow bound on my rear end before the lashings."
"Okay, that shall be granted to you."
Mrs. Mueller has the pillow bound to her rear end and receives her punishment.
But because the pillow is too small and the executioner also hits her back a
couple of times, she receives a few blows.
Next it is Mueller's mother-in-law's turn.
"What do you wish for yourself?"
"I would like a pillow bound on my rear end and a pillow bound on my back
before the lashings."
"Okay, that shall be granted to you."
The mother-in-law receives her fifty lashes, but hardly feels the pain through
the pillows.
Then comes Mueller himself.
"What do you wish for yourself?"
"I have two wishes. Do you want to fulfill them for me?"
"Because you are a guest in our country, we want to fulfill your wishes for
you, as long as they are reasonable."
"I would like 100 lashes instead of 50."
The executioner is surprised, but recovers again right away and replies, "Yes,
that is a pious wish, it shall be granted to you. And what is your second wish?"
"I would like to have my mother-in-law bound to my back."
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| Posted by Laurie D on 10-Aug-2005 | First GradersIt??™s the first day back after the holidays for the primary ones (first
graders), and the teacher decides to ask each of the children to tell a small
story about their fathers.
So the teacher points to little Katy and asks, "Katy, what does your daddy
work as?"
And Katy replies "my daddy's an aircraft pilot, and he flies people all over
the world and makes them very happy???.
The teacher then asks little David what his daddy does.
"My daddy is a postman, miss, and he delivers letters and parcels to people
sent from all over the place, and he makes people happy."
The teacher turns too little Susan and is about to ask the same question as
the others, but Susan suddenly bursts into tears. The teacher rushes over to
console her. "Whets wrong Susan?"
"My daddy is dead, miss" she replies.
"Awe.... I didn't know that. I??™m so sorry"
"It??™s ok" she choked out, through tears.
"So tell me Susan, what did your father do before he died?"
"He s*** the bed and turned blue, miss".
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| Posted by LeaveMeBe on 10-Aug-2005 | A coupleA couple is out for a drive one day and the husband is behind the wheel.
As he's driving, he's complaining about everything... the heat, the long
drive, the bad drivers, the country, the bad drivers in the country, etc, and
he's driving his wife crazy at the same time with his depressing talk.
So his wife says to him, "one more complaint and I??™ll cut your dick off with
my Swiss army knife???.
That got his attention, so he stopped. But about half an hour later, he starts
complaining again and before he could blink his wife pulls out her knife, slices
off his penis and throws it out the window.
Driving behind the couple's car is a family of three.... husband, wife and
their 8 year old daughter. The penis suddenly lands on their car's windscreen
leaving the father in an absolute panic, as he doesn't want his daughter to see
it. So he puts the windshield wipers on to get the dick off and out of his
daughter's view.
The daughter asks, "Daddy, what was that??"
Her father, still in a panic, replies, " oh it was only a...uh...butterfly my
dear."
The daughter says, "well f*** me! Did you see the size of its cock????
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():love jokes (2491): The first day of the school year |
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| Posted by bruny on 10-Aug-2005 | The first day of the school yearIt was the first day of the school year, and an elementary teacher was trying
to get to know her students.
"What did you do this summer?" the teacher asked Suzie.
"Me and my family went to the beach a lot???, Suzie answered.
"That sounds like fun," said the teacher. "How about you, Emma? What did you
do this summer?"
"Me and my family rode our bikes together."
"That sounds lovely," said the teacher. She continued with all her pupils
until she got to shy Mike in the corner of the room.
"What did you do this summer, Mike?"
"Nothing," the boy responded timidly.
"Did you do anything with your family?" the teacher asked, try to draw Mike
out.
"Yes."
"Did you go to the beach?"
"No."
"Did you ride bikes?"
"No, never!" the boy burst out. "We can never ride bikes together!"
"Why not?" said the shocked teacher.
"I don't know," explained Mike???,but my dad says that when my mom and my
sisters are cycling together, he has to get the hell out of town???.
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| Posted by Justin Babineau on 10-Aug-2005 | A sister and brotherA sister and brother are talking to each other when the little boy gets up and
walks over to his Grandpa and says, "Grandpa, please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "No???.
The little boy goes on, "Please .. please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "No, now go play???.
The little boy then says to his sister, "Go tell Grandpa to make a frog
noise???. So the little girl goes to her Grandpa and says, "Please make a frog
noise."
The Grandpa says, "I just told your brother no and I'm telling you no."
The little girl says, "Please .. please Grandpa makes a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "Why do you want me to make a frog noise?"
The little girl replied, "Because mommy said when you croak we can go to
Disney world!"
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