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():sex jokes (1888): A little girl named Mary |
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():sex jokes (1888): If you could change a woman and a man |
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| Posted by Eamonn Collins on 13-Aug-2005 | If you could change a woman and a manThese two guys are out hunting and they are getting pretty drunk, and the first man says to the other, "If you could change any three things on a woman what would it be?"
The other man replies, "I would first make their butt tighter, then they would have eyes in the back of their head, then I would have their crotch be on their shoulder."
The other man kind of looks at him weird and says, "Ok same Question except for a man."
The man replies, "Well just like the girl, a tight butt, eyes in the back of their head, but i would put his peanis on his finger."
The frrst guy looks at him again and has to ask and he says, "What the hell would you do that for?!?!?"
And the other man replies, "So when you walk up to them you could say, hey i know you" while you poke them in the shoulder.
(when youi tell this joke.......comes in handy in getting the point across by poking the other person in the shoulder while you say, "Hey, I know you!")
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| Posted by Heavenly on 13-Aug-2005 | Expensive ProstituteA man is sitting at a bar and sees this beautiful woman on the arm of some drunk. He talks with the bartender and finds out that she is a prostitute.
He walks over to her and says " Is it true that your a prostitute?"
She replies "Yeah what can I do for you big boy?"
He thinks a second and finally asks her what she charges. She replies "$100 for a hand job."
"Are you crazy?" he responds.
She walks the man over to the window, "see that Ferrari out there? I own that car. Trust me you wont leave unsatisfied." So he takes her to his apartment, gives her the money and they get down to business.
The next day he sees her at the bar again. He walks over to her and says, "Last night was great."
"You think that was great," she replies" wait tell you have one of my blow jobs."
"How much?" the man asks "$500."
"What?! Are you on crack?" he yells.
She once again take him over to the window "See that building? I own that building. Trust me I give good blow jobs." So he takes her to his apartment, pays up and gets the best blow job of his life. A couple nights later he sees her at the bar again. He asks her how much he needs to pay to go all the way.
She say calmly "$2000"
The man totally freaks out "$2,000 for sex?! I am not that desperate."
She pulls him outside, "Look out in the distance, see that island?" The man, in awe answers the question " yeah..."
"Well..." the prostitute starts, "Had I been a woman I would have owned that island too."
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():sex jokes (1888): The Nun and the Bus Driver |
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| Posted by Krazy Kin Kid on 13-Aug-2005 | Farm CoupleOnce there was an elderly couple that lived on a farm. One day the farmer came to his wife and grabbed her boobs.
He said, "If we could get milk out of these things, we could get rid of the cows."
The next day he approached her, grabbed her butt, and said, "If we could get eggs out of this thing, we could get rid of the chickens."
His wife turned around, reached between his legs, and said, "If you could get this hard, we could get rid of your brother."
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| Posted by Warlock Z on 13-Aug-2005 | Matter of comparisionA gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you, I'm gay."
His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay -- doesn't that mean you put other men's penises in your mouth?"
The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right."
His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around, whacked him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!!"
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