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| Posted by Elusive Honey on 10-Aug-2005 | A little old ladyA little old lady walked into the main branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank
holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the window that
she wished to open an account with the bank and deposit the $3 million she had
in the bag. She said that prior to doing so she wished to meet the president of
the bank due to the large amount of money involved. The teller opened the bag
and saw bundles of $100 bills and thinking this a reasonable request telephoned
the president's secretary to make an appointment for the lady.
Later the lady was escorted upstairs and ushered into the president's office.
Introductions were made, and she stated that she liked to get to know the people
she did business with on a more personal level. The bank president then asked
her how she came into such a large sum of money and whether it was perhaps an
inheritance.
She replied "No, I bet on people."
Seeing his confusion she explained that she just bet different things with
different people. All of a sudden she said, "I'll bet you $25,000 that by 10:00
a.m. tomorrow morning your balls will be square???.
The bank president figured that she must be off her rocker but decided to take
her up on the bet. He didn't see how he could lose. For the rest of the day he
was very careful. He decided to stay home that evening and take no chances,
after all, there was $25,000 at stake. When he got up in the morning and took
his shower he checked to make sure everything was normal. There was no
difference. He looked the same as he always had. He went to work and waited for
the little old lady to come in at 10:00 a.m., humming as he went. He knew that
this would be a good day. How often do you get handed $25,000 for doing nothing
he thought! At 10:00 a.m. sharp the little old lady was shown into the
president's office. With her was a younger man who she introduced as her lawyer.
She said she always took him along whenever there was this much money involved.
"Well, " she asked, "what about our bet?"
"I don't know how to tell you this," he replied, "but I'm the same as I've
always been, only $25,000 richer!"
The little old lady seemed to accept this but insisted that she be able to see
for herself. The bank president thought the request reasonable and dropped his
trousers. She instructed him to bend over and then she grabbed hold of him. Sure
enough, everything was fine, but then the Bank President looked up and saw the
lady's attorney across the room, banging his head against the wall. "What's
wrong with him?" he asked.
"Oh, him?", she replied. "I bet him $100,000 that by 10:00 a.m. this morning
I'd have the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls.
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| Posted by nichole,alisha eason on 10-Aug-2005 | HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN:Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize,
serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate,
stimulate, jiffy lube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify,
protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to,
forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate,
entertain, charm, lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige,
fascinate, attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend,
coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromatize, fuse, fizz, rationalize,
detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace, accept,
butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, loco mote, beg, plead, borrow, steal,
climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch, crazy-glue, respect, entertain,
calm, allay, kill for, die for, dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt,
commit, enlist, pine, cajole, Anglicize, murmur, snuggle, snooze, snuffle,
elevate, enervate, alleviate, spot weld, serve, rub, rib, salve, bite, taste,
nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab on the ocean floor of her
existence, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey, hanky-panky, crystal blue persuade,
flip, flop, fly, don't care if I die, swing, slip, slide, slather, mollycoddle,
squeeze, moisturize, humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk, keep on rocking' in
the free world, wet, slacken, undulate, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble,
drip, dry, knead, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax, ingratiate, indulge, wow, dazzle,
amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and worship, and then go back, and start
again.
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| Posted by Sarah M. Love on 10-Aug-2005 | Dumb fishermenTwo men are out fishing and they are having great luck. They are catching so
fast, they have to go back early.
"This is so great," says the first guy. "We should mark the spot so we can
come here again."
"You're right???, says the other guy who then dives over the side and paints a
big X on the bottom of the boat.
They head back to shore and just as they're about to dock, the first guy looks
at the second guy and says, "But what if we don't get the same boat next time?"
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| Posted by Lauren L on 10-Aug-2005 | Alligators for shoesOnce a woman told a man that they use alligators to make shoes.
He shook his head and said, "What will they teach them to do next?"
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| Posted by Michelle K. Gordon on 10-Aug-2005 | The good sportJohn receives a phone call. "Hello???, he answers.
The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3
months ago."
John: "Hmm... Susan? About 3 months ago?"
Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the
way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport."
John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?"
Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."
John: "Say, you ARE a good sport."
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| Posted by Corey Kano on 10-Aug-2005 | Don't believe everything you seeA man and his wife had been stranded on a deserted island for many years. The
morning following a bad storm, a new guy (homer) washes up on the shore. Homer
and the wife are very attracted to each other right away, but realize certain
protocols will have to be observed. The husband, however, is very glad to see
homer there.
"Now we will be able to have three people doing 8-hour shifts in the
watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts."
Homer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift.
He climbs up the tower and stands watch, observing the ocean horizon for any
ships. Soon the husband and wife start placing stones in a circle in order to
make a fire to cook supper. Homer yells down: "hey, no f******!"
They couple looks at each other and yells back: "we're not f******!"
A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again
homer yells down: "hooey, no f******!"
Again they yell back, "we're not f******!"
Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof to their shack to patch leaks.
Once again homer yells down from high above: "hey, I said no f******!!"
"We said we're not f******!!"
Finally the shift is over, homer climbs down from the tower, and the husband
starts to climb up. He??™s only halfway up when the wife and homer are screwing
their brains out.
Once at the top, the husband looks out from the tower and says: "son-of-a-gun.
From up here it does look like they're f******."
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