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| Posted by Anna K on 09-Aug-2005 | A Man and 3 PriestsA man walks into a department store and needs to get to the bathroom, located in the back of the store. He decides to get there by going down the first aisle he sees. He starts to turn the corner when he sees a priest just standing there, staring. He thinks this strange, but decides not to disturb the priest. The man decides to go down the next aisle, but again, finds another priest standing there staring. He thinks nothing of it and proceeds to the next aisle. When he gets to the third aisle, there is again another priest. The man, now curious as to what is going on, decides to venture down the aisle. When he gets half way down, he reads a sign.
"Boys Pants, Half Off"
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| Posted by Sonya Kennett on 09-Aug-2005 | Babies little girl!A little boy named little Johny runs upto his mom from outside and says "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"Oh course not" replies the mom and starts chopping some onions.
"Great!" Then little Johny runs outside and yells "ITS OK! WE CAN PLAY THE GAME AGAIN!"
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| Posted by Jau on 09-Aug-2005 | What if?...what if you were fixing a bowl of cereal and when you took the first bite, it was PORKIN' beans and cereal?
What if your knees were coconuts?
What if you opened up your backpack and there was an evil, bloody baby inside?
What if you were eating a candy bar and it had PORKIN' beans instead of peanuts?
What if somebody stabbed you in your asshole with a used cake knife?
What if a gross, hairy eyeball was crawling up your leg?
What if you took a shower with a stinking, dead heart of an armadillo instead of soap?
What if you were stuck in a small, pitch-black closet with a thousand nasty sewer rats, and they were crawling over your body, especially your knees, neck, and mouth?
What if you were brushing your hair with a used tampon?
What if you bit into an apple and it was filled with cottage cheese - small curd?
What if you were ugly?
What if you were having sex with a diseased billy goat?
What if you took a bath in sweat from a woman named Bertha?
What if you had fresh produce and this sweaty cashier with nastiness on his hands touched it?
What if your skin was peanut brittle?
What if your skin was stucco?
What if your toes were penises?
What if your gel deodorant was mayonnaise?
What if your nuts were bleeding bile?
What if your eyes were nipples?
What if (you were a woman) you took off your maxi pad and it had boo boo in the front of it?
What if someone put pepper in your cereal?
What if GOD was one of us?
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| Posted by Phillip D. Tomblin on 09-Aug-2005 | Humps-24-7-Dog"What do you call a dog that humps you 24-7"
A rout around the week dog
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| Posted by kakyok on 09-Aug-2005 | Geography Of A WomanBetween 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.
After 70, they become like Afghanistan. Almost everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq - ruled by a prick.
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| Posted by Ryan I. Mehmi on 09-Aug-2005 | Disabled Swimming CoThree blokes enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs, and the third has no body, just a head.
They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool.
The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.
Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.
He pick up the head, swims back up to the surface and places it at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering. Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts:
"Three long years I've spent learning to swim with my ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some prick puts a swimming cap on me !!"
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