A man goes into his

One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, granddaddy dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.

The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified. The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.

Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. "Good God, Dear," he proclaims, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life!" She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning."

The sky was dark
The moon

The sky was dark

The moon was high

All alone just she and I

Her hair was soft

Her eyes were blue

I knew just what



She wanted to do

Her skin so soft

Her legs so fine

I ran my fingers

Down her spine



I didn't know how

But I tried my best

I started by placing

My hands on her breast



I remember my fear

My fast beating heart

But slowly she spread

Her legs apart



And when I did it

I felt no shame

All at once

The white stuff came



At last it's finished

It's all over now

My first time ever

At milking a cow.....

The Top 15 Ways Your

15. Wet willies from two tables away!

14. Almost guaranteed to be Madonna's sole boyfriend for at least a week or two.

13. Now can carry *two* dozen donuts while juggling.

12. Much easier to clean behind the refrigerator.

11. You can finally do that 3-puppet show without getting arrested.

10. Two-handed typing during cybersex!

9. Interested in Anna Nicole Smith but you're 18, healthy and poor? Not a problem anymore!

8. You'd be a shoe-in for Hollywood "Lizard Boy" roles.

7. For once, it'll be the dog's turn to look at you with envy.

6. You'd need Mick Jagger's lips & John Elway's teeth to stay in proportion.

5. When picking nose, can "cut out the middle man."

4. Tie a cherry stem with your tongue? Hell, gobble a handful and weave a friggin' picnic basket!

3. Increased number of taste buds finally allows one to discern between Kool-Aid flavors.

2. Your previously-neglected navel would suddenly be your second cleanest body part.

and the Number 1 Way Your Life Would Change if Your Tongue Were 2 Feet Long...

1. The counselor at Oversized Features Anonymous shows interest in you, but you can't help but question her motives.

List of possible slogans promoting

1. Cover your stump before you hump

2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker

3. Don't be silly, protect your willy

4. When in doubt, shroud your spout

5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner

6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong

7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it

8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey

9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize

10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter

11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick

12. If you go into heat, package your meat

13. While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis

14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse

15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member

16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker

17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool

18. The right selection will protect your erection

19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil

20. A crank with armor will never harm her

21. No glove, no love!

A woman wanted to

With Viagra such a hit,

DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips
caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost,
compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to
actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to
perform more childcare tasks -- especially cleaning up spills and
"little accidents."

COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men
administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle.
Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy
their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this drug for only
two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period
longer than your favorites store's return limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing
clinical trials on sitting US presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn
off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gasses back
into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.

FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with
O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.

PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test
group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people.
Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors"

LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked
about their sexual affairs. Will be available Regular, Grand Jury and
Presidential Strength versions.