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():sex jokes (1888): A newly married couple was on holiday in the...


Posted by greenmachine on 13-Aug-2005

A newly married couple was on holiday in the...

A newly married couple was on holiday in the Middle East and they came upon the main city bazaar. They walked around the market place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.

From inside they heard a gentleman say "you foreigners? Come in my friends. Come into my humble shop. Salam aleekem!" (hello in English) So the couple walked in. The bazaar merchant says to them, "I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel."

After hearing this statement, the wife became intrigued and encouraged her husband to try them on. Her husband smirked and winked at his wife, with the comment, "I don't think I really need them." But since they were having fun in the bazaar, he asked the merchant, "So, how could sandals make you into a sex animal.?"

The merchant smiled and replied "Just try them on, my friend, trust me!" Well, in the combined spirit of goodwill and after much badgering from his wife, he finally consented to try them on. The husband put the shoes on and a wild look seemed to appear in his eyes, something his wife has not seen in many years -- the look of raw sexual power.

In a blink of the eye, the husband rushed the merchant, threw him on the table and started tearing at the guys pants. While trying to run away, the bazaar merchant is yelling non-stop "You've got the shoes on the wrong feet... You've got the shoes the wrong feet.."


   

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():sex jokes (1888): Vaseline survey


Posted by Alfredo Guzman on 13-Aug-2005

Vaseline survey

A market researcher was called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and when she agreed, he asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds.

When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked if she used it, the answered was "Yes, we use it when we have sexual intercourse."

The interviewer was a little surprised. He said, "Everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge or some other purpose; but I know that most people really use it for sexual intercourse, they just don't like to say so. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me how you use it?"

"We put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out!"


   

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():sex jokes (1888): Fire Hazard


Posted by Blitz Krieg on 13-Aug-2005

Fire Hazard

The firemen finally get a huge fire under control, and Chief Mattea has all of his men accounted for except Olson and Rosolino.

After a few minutes' search, the chief looks down an alley, and there's Rosolino, leaning over a trash can. His pants are down to his ankles, and Olson is banging away from behind.

Chief Mattea says, "What the hell is going on?"

Olson says, "Rosolino passed out from smoke inhalation."

The chief says, "Smoke inhalation? You're supposed to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!"

Olson says, "I did, Chief. That's how this business got started."


   

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():sex jokes (1888): Bobby's fetish


Posted by Justin Lebar on 13-Aug-2005

Bobby's fetish

One morning Bobby's mother was cleaning his room, and she found an S&M magazine under the bed. She was beside herself worrying and stressing trying to think of how to handle the situation.

Finally her husband came home from work and he asked her how her day was. The mother told him about the magazine. Shaking, she asked him how they were going handle this situation.

Her husband sat there for awhile, sighed, and said, "Well, I guess spanking him is out of the question."


   

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():sex jokes (1888): Another Tattoo down there...


Posted by Becky Holland on 13-Aug-2005
Another Tattoo down there...
A guy walks into a whorehouse. On his dick it says "Shortie's." One of the whores felt bad for him so she gives him a blow job.

All the other whores were laughing at her until they came out of the room. It turns out that his dick said "Shortie's Bar and Grill in Albuquerque, New Mexico."

Submitted by Jeff Wynne


   

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():sex jokes (1888): Nasty Gay Joke


Posted by Brat Girl on 13-Aug-2005
Nasty Gay Joke
One morning, this gay man woke up from a wonderful dream, only to hear his partner in the bathroom making grunting and moaning sounds. The gay man got out of bed, walked down the hall and opened the bathroom door. The gay man looked at his partner, masturbating with a condom on.

"What the hell are you doing???" he asked his partner.

The gay man's partner looked up at him sheepishly, "Oh... I was just packing your lunch!"


   

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