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| Posted by Justin H on 10-Aug-2005 | A night outTwo women go out one night without their husbands. As they came back, right
before dawn, both of them drunk, They felt the urge to pee. They noticed the
only place to stop was a cemetery.
Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway. The first one
did not have anything to clean herself with, so she took off her pants and used
them to clean herself and discarded them.
The second not finding anything either, thought 'I'm not getting rid of my
pants...' so she used the ribbon of a flower wreath to clean herself.
The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone,
and one says to the other: 'We have to be on the lookout, it seems that these
two were up to no Good last night, my wife came home without her pants...'.
The other one responded: 'You're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to
her ass that read, 'We will never forget you!'
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| Posted by Rick Madole on 10-Aug-2005 | Driven WildThree guys are sitting in a bar having a few drinks together. One guy says,
'So tell me, what do you do to drive your wife wild?''Well,' says the second
guy, 'After making love, I go out to the garden and pick some roses. Then I take
the petals off and sprinkle them all over her body. Then I blow them off with a
soft breath that drives her wild.' Next guy says, 'After making love, I get some
baby oil and massage it gently all over her body, and that drives her wild!'Last
guy says, 'When me and the old lady are through, I jump out of bed and wipe my
cock on the curtain. Drives her nuts!'
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| Posted by Samantha A. S on 10-Aug-2005 | Hotel PricesA husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost
twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to
stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan
to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four
hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for 350. The man explodes and
demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a
nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth 350. When the clerk tells him 350
is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The manager
appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-
sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and
wife to use.
'But we didn't use them', the man complains.
'Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager. He goes on to
explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous.
'The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,' the
Manager says.
'But we didn't go to any of those shows,' complains the man again. Well, we
have them, and you could have', the Manager replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, 'But we didn't
use it!'
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He
writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he
looks at the check. But sir,' he says, 'this check is only made out for 100.'
'That's right,' says the man. 'I charged you 250 for sleeping with my wife.'
'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.
'Well,' the man replies, 'she was here, and you could have'
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| Posted by Kit Cloudkicker on 10-Aug-2005 | Corporate Lesson 2Subject: Corporate Lessons
Corporate lesson 2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped
and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and
nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand
up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, 'Father, remember psalm
129?' The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to
remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further
on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once
again Said, 'Father, remember psalm 129?' Once again the
priest`apologized.'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and
went
on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a
bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will
find glory.'
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity!
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():sex jokes (1888): Potentially & Realistically |
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| Posted by Jeremy Radle on 10-Aug-2005 | Potentially & RealisticallyA young boy approaches his father and asks, 'Dad, what is the difference
between potentially and realistically?'
The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she
would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if
she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then... ask your
brother if he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars. Come back and tell
me what you learned from that.'
So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Robert Redford
for a million dollars?'
The mother replied, 'Of course I would! I wouldn't pass up an opportunity like
that.'
The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?'
The girl replied, 'Oh my God! I would just love to do that! I would be nuts to
pass up that opportunity!'
The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Tom Cruise
for a million dollars?'
Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know how much a million dollars is?'
The boy pondered that for a few days, then went back to his dad. His father
asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between potentially and
realistically?'
The boy replied, 'Yes, sir. Potentially, we're sitting on three million
dollars, but realistically, we're living with two sluts and a queer.'
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| Posted by Angel on 10-Aug-2005 | World War II ConfessionAn elderly Italian man asked the local priest to hear his confession:
'Father, during the Second World War a beautiful woman knocked on my door and
asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic.'
The priest replied, 'That was a wonderful thing you did and you have no need
to confess.'
'It's worse, Father. I was weak and told her she must repay me with her sexual
favours.'
'You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if
the Germans had found her. God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good
and the evil and judge you kindly. You are forgiven.'
'Thank you, Father, That's a great load off my mind. I have one more
question.'
'And what is that?' asked the priest.
The old man replied, 'Should I tell her the war is over?'
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