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| Posted by Answering machine jokes on 12-Aug-2005 | A Perfect Woman Is...What's the definition of a perfect woman?
a) Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head so that you can put a pint of beer on it.
b) The sports model has pullback ears and her teeth fold in.
c) The economy model fucks all night and, at midnight, turns into a roast beef sandwich and a six pack.
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| Posted by Cody Zwief on 12-Aug-2005 | Creation of Woman ProblemOne day, God went to find Adam and Eve in the garden, but found that Adam was sitting by himself. "Where's Eve?" He asked.
"Well," said Adam, "She started to bleed. This happens every month or so."
"So where is she?" asked God.
"Well, she went down to the river to wash up." replied Adam.
"Darn," said God. "Now I'll never get the smell out of the fish!"
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| Posted by Serena Zold on 12-Aug-2005 | University Courses For WomenEtiquette and Behavior:
EB101: PMS (Preposterous Mood Swings) -Learning To Sleep Over At Mother's
EB102: We Do Not Want Ties For Christmas
(Just Wear The Sexy Lingerie I Gave You)
EB103: How Not To Sob Like A Sponge When Your Husband Is Right
EB104: Why It Is Unacceptable To Talk About Feminine Hygiene In Mixed Company
EB105: If You Want To Know How That Looks On You, Ask Your Mother
EB106: How To Act Younger Than Your Mother
EB107: Apologizing For Farting When You're On The Toilet Is Not Necessary
General Electives:
GE101: You, The Whining Sex
GE102: Why You Don't Need To Invite Your Mother Over Every Weekend
GE103: Payday And Shopping Are Not Synonymous
GE104: Female Friendship - Why Your Best Friends Are Not The Women Who Complain About You The Most
GE105: Learning To Appreciate Beer Belly And Lard Butt Morphologies Of Men
Home Economics:
HE101: You Can Change The Oil Too
HE102: How To Properly Fill A Beer Mug
HE103: How To Do All Your Laundry In One Load And Have More Time To Watch Football
HE104: How To Encourage Your Husband To Cook More And Be Able To Stomach His Slop
HE105: Get A Life - Learn To Kill Spiders Yourself
HE106: How To Close The Garage Door
HE107: How To Close The Top On The Toothpaste
HE108: How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One
HE109: Why Going To The Bathroom Is Not A Group Activity
HE110: Overcoming "The Imelda Syndrome" (formerly called "How Many Feet Do You Have, Anyway?")
Interpersonal Relationships:
IR101: Understanding The Female Causes Of Male Drunkenness
IR102: If You Don't Want An Excuse, Don't Demand An Explanation
IR103: Romanticism - The Whole Point Of Caviar, Candles, And Conversation
IR104: Why Men Enjoy Grocery Shopping About As Much As Women Enjoy Watching "The Three Stooges"
IR105: Marriage - The Number One Cause Of Divorce
Life Skills:
LS101: Combatting The Impulse To Nag
LS102: Parenting - Your Husband Gave You Children So You Could Have Someone Other Than Him To Boss Around
LS103: Balancing A Checkbook - Even You Can Get It Right
LS104: Comprehending Credit Card Spending Limits And Financial Responsibility
LS105: Shopping - Doing It In Less Than 16 Hours
LS106: How To Go Fishing With Your Mate And Not Catch Pneumonia
LS107: Living Without Power Windows - How To Turn A Crank
LS108: How To Retain Your Composure While Your Husband Is Relaxing By Himself
LS109: You Too Can Carry A Backpack
LS110: Dress Like A Slut And Put On Something Sexy - Why It Won't Ruin Your Brain
LS111: Attainable Goal - Catching A Ball Before It Stops Moving
LS112: How To Remain Femininely Enticing And Attractive After Menopause
LS113: How To Parallel Park
Sex Education:
SE101: Reasons To Give Head To Your Man
SE102: How To Stay Awake During Sex And Imagine That It Lasted For Over 10 Minutes
SE103: Fall Semester: You Can Use A Bed For More Than Just Sleep Spring Semester: It's Okay To Do It Outside Of The Bedroom
SE104: How To Say "Yes" More Often
SE105: How To Say "No" But Really Mean "Yes"
SE106: Lingerie - The Gift That Keeps On Giving
SE107: Sexual Alternatives For "That Time Of The Month" (formerly called "Any Old Port In A Storm")
SE108: Foreplay (not a required course, for extra credit only)
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| Posted by Eamonn Green on 12-Aug-2005 | On God's Making a WomanAnd God Created The Woman
He was so pleased with his creation that he calls in three of his top advisors: His chief Carpenter, His Chief Tailor, and His Chief Architect.
He presents his creation to his Chiefs and asks them for suggestions and comments.
The Carpenter says:
"Too many forms, you need to straighten things out, flatten it out."
God replies, "No I like it that way, but thanks"
Then the Tailor says:
"Too many strings (hair) sticking out, you need to trim them."
God replies, "No I like it that way, but thanks"
Then the Architect says:
"Wonderful creation, absolutely superb, but next time, please do not place the toilets next to the reception room"
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| Posted by ~X~Rated~ on 12-Aug-2005 | Doughgirl Is SickIn response to calls for sexual equity, Pillsbury recently added a new
Pillsbury Doughgirl character to the well known Doughboy.
Unfortunately, she couldn't come to work this week because she had a yeast infection.
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| Posted by Laxori Shiin on 12-Aug-2005 | Feminist Faux PasI don't think the leading feminist realized what she was saying when she told a reporter, "As long as women are split like we are, men will remain on top."
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