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():love jokes (2491): Butcher lived in an apartment over his shop |
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| Posted by Zak L. Taylor on 10-Aug-2005 | Butcher lived in an apartment over his shopThis butcher lived in an apartment over his shop. One night he was awakened by
strange noises coming from below, so he tiptoed downstairs and saw his
19-year-old daughter sitting on the chopping block and masturbating with a
liverwurst. The butcher sighed and tiptoed back to bed.
The next morning, when a customer walked in and asked for some liverwurst, the
butcher said that he didn't have any left. The customer was really annoyed; she
pointed to the corner of the shop and asked, "No liverwurst? Well, what's that
hanging on the hook right over there?"
The butcher frowned at her. "That", he replied, "is my son-in-law."
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| Posted by Kirby Kennedy on 10-Aug-2005 | "What are you doing?"A 60-year-old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom.
She opened the door and discovered her 40-year-old daughter playing with her
vibrator. "What are you doing?" asked the Mom.
"Mom, I am 40 years old and look at me. I am ugly. I will never get married,
so this is pretty much my husband."
The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head.
The next day the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon
entering the room found his daughter using the vibrator. "What the hell are you
doing?" he asked.
His daughter replied, "I already told Mom. I am 40 years old now and ugly. I
will never get married so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband."
The father walked out of the room shaking his head too.
The next day the Mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand
and the vibrator sitting next to him, watching the football game.
"For Christ's sake, what are you doing?" she cried.
The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a beer and
watching the game with my new son-in-law!"
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():love jokes (2491): A sweet little girl runs out to the backyard |
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| Posted by _Clio_ on 10-Aug-2005 | A sweet little girl runs out to the backyardA sweet little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and
asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"
So, her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees.
He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperm and eggs etc.
He tells her about puberty, menstruation, men and women and love...
He thinks what the hell, and tells her the works, thinking that to tell it all
is the only way to tell truth.
The girl is somewhat awe struck with this sudden influx of bizarre new
knowledge, and her father finally asks, "So why did you wish to know about sex?"
"Oh, mommy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."
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():love jokes (2491): A boy walks into the bathroom |
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| Posted by jeremy M. ABEL on 10-Aug-2005 | A boy walks into the bathroomA boy walks into the bathroom and catches his mom sitting on the bowl in her
full glory.
He runs out to tell his father. He asks his father "What's that big gash
between mommy's legs?"
The father replies, "That's where I accidentally hit her with an axe!"
The boy replies "WOW, you got her right in the cunt!"
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():love jokes (2491): A father charges into the bathroom |
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| Posted by cathy b on 10-Aug-2005 | A father charges into the bathrooma father charges into the bathroom and starts yelling at his son "son! how
many times have i told you not to do that? stop it! if you keep doing that,
you'll go blind!"
the son replies: "i'm over here, dad."
his son puts a guy into a nursing home. he doesn't know if he's going to like
it at first, but he decides to give it a shot for his son's sake.
the first morning in the nursing home he wakes up with a hard-on. out of
nowhere, a beautiful nurse walks in, kneels down, and blows him without saying a
word.
the guy gets on the phone to his son and says, "son! i love this place! thank
you so much for putting me in this nursing home!"
the son says, "wow, pop. you sound really happy. what happened?"
the old man says, " you won't believe it. i woke up this morning with a
hard-on, and the most beautiful nurse i've ever seen in my life came into my
room and blew me. didn't say a word. just blew me."
"well, that sounds great, dad. congratulations."
"well, thank you, son," the old man says, and hangs up the phone.
later that day, the old man is walking down the hall in his walker. he slips
and falls and can't get up. a big hillbilly orderly comes up to him, rips his
pants down, f**** him up the ass, and leaves him lying there in a heap.
the old man crawls to a phone and calls his son. "you got to get me out of
here, son. this place is nuts!"
"what happened, pop? you sound terrible!" says the son.
"well, i was walking with my walker and fell down and couldn't get up. then
this big hillbilly orderly came by, ripped my pants down, and f***** me up the
ass!"
"well, you know, dad," says the son. "you got a blow job this morning. you got
to take the good with the bad..."
"no, you don't understand, son!" exclaims the old man. "i only get a hard-on
once a month! i fall down three, four times a day!"
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():love jokes (2491): "he s*** the bed and turned blue, miss" |
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| Posted by Ulax B. Cool on 10-Aug-2005 | "he s*** the bed and turned blue, miss"Its the first day back after the holidays for the primary ones (first
graders), and the teacher decides to ask each of the children to tell a small
story about their fathers.
so the teacher points to little katy and asks, "katy, what does your daddy
work as?"
and katy replies "my daddy's an aircraft pilot, and he flies people all over
the world and makes them very happy."
the teacher then asks little david what his daddy does.
"my daddy is a postman, miss, and he delivers letters and parcels to people
sent from all over the place, and he makes people happy."
the teacher turns to little susan and is about to ask the same question as the
others, but susan suddenly bursts into tears. the teacher rushes over to console
her. "whets wrong susan?"
"my daddy is dead, miss" she replies.
"aww.... i didn't know that. i'm so sorry"
"it's ok" she choked out, through tears.
"so tell me susan, what did your father do before he died?"
"he s*** the bed and turned blue, miss"
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