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| Posted by Vanessa Hernandez on 09-Aug-2005 | Cards That U Won't CHallmark Cards That Never Made It
I'm Sorry!
My tire was thumping,
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire,
I noticed your cat!
Get Well Soon
You had your bladder removed,
and you're on the mend.
Here's a bouquet of flowers
And a box of Depends.
Bad Hangover
You totaled your car
And can't remember why.
Could it have been
that case of Bud Dry?
Cheer Up
Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be,
But don't fret about it,
She moved in with me!
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| Posted by Eric M. Cardin on 09-Aug-2005 | Flower Mix UpI sent flowers to someone who was moving to Florida for a job promotion. I also sent flowers the same day to a funeral for a friend.
I found out later that the flower shop got the cards mixed up. They sent the card to the guy who was moving that said, "Deepest Condolences," and sent the card to the funeral home that said, "I know it's hot where you're going, but you deserve it!
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| Posted by Robin A.J. on 09-Aug-2005 | Wounded IraqiWhat do you do if an Iraqi with half a head comes running at you?
Stop laughing and reload!
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| Posted by William Jones on 09-Aug-2005 | Ghetto Yard SalesWhy do white people go to yard sales in the ghetto?
To get there shit back!
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| Posted by Mike smith on 09-Aug-2005 | Bad GumsThere was a father and his young son who lived in a secluded village somewhere in central Australia.
The boy's mother had left the father under difficult circumstances, and he had had bad experiences with women ever since.
So he took his boy aside one day and told him, "Listen son, don't go messing around with women, because, you know, down there, they've got teeth down there."
The boy listened intently to his father's advice. Years passed, the boy has grown up and his father has died, leaving him alone.
So, one day, the boy ventures to the closest large town, where he goes to a club in search of companionship.
He strikes up a conversation with a beautiful young girl. Things are going well, and they end up back at her place.
They are about to get into bed when the boy remembers his father's advice and shies away.
"What's wrong?" she asks. "Well, my father told me that women have teeth down there" replied the young man.
"Of course we haven't got teeth down there!! Have a look if you like."
So he takes her up on the offer. He takes off her panties, and he's poking around, examining the lady's most private parts.
"Hmmmm. I don't see any teeth down here, but you should see the state of your gums."
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| Posted by karli on 09-Aug-2005 | Nudist ColonyA man joins a nudist colony, takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A 6-foot blonde walks by him; the man gets a hard-on.
Blonde: "Sir, did you call for me?"
New Man: "No, I just got here."
Blonde: "You must be new here, it's a rule when I give you a hard-on, it implies you called for me." The blonde lies down and lets the man screw her. The man gets up happy, enters the sauna, sits down, and farts. A huge man comes toward him.
Huge Man: "Sir, did you call for me?"
New Man: "No, I just got here."
Huge Man: You must be new here, it is a rule when you fart, and it implies you called for me." The huge man turns him around and sodomizes him. The new man rushes back to the receptionist...
New Man: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500."
Receptionist: "But Sir, you only saw 1% of our facilities...."
New Man: (Rudely interrupting) "Listen lady, I am 45 years old, I get a hard-on once a month, but I fart 15 times a day."
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