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| Posted by Dr Drew on 12-Aug-2005 | ChasingA guy was driving his car at the speed of 80 mph when he saw the flashing red and blue lights.
Thinking that the cop might not be able to catch him, he accelerated to 110 mph. He finally came to some sense and pulled over to the side.
The cop stepped out, took his license and examined it without a word. He looked at the driver and said, "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pullover. I don't feel like doing anymore paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go!"
The driver blinked only once while his brain scramble for a reply. "Last week my wife ran off with a cop, " he said, " and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Off you go," said the officer.
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| Posted by ammooni on 12-Aug-2005 | SmarterA woman and a man were involved in a car accident -- it was a bad one. Both of their cars were totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of them were hurt.
After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said, "So, you're a man -- that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are both unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends, and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man thoughtfully replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she handed the bottle to the man. The man nodded his head in agreement, opened it, and drank half the bottle. He then handed it back to the woman. The woman took the bottle, and immediately put the cork back in, and handed it back to the man.
In surprise, he asked, "Aren't you having any?"
"No," the woman replied, "I think I'll just wait for the police..."
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| Posted by X-SID on 12-Aug-2005 | Snow blowerHow do you change a dishwasher into a snow blower?
Give her a shovel!
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| Posted by bourban on 12-Aug-2005 | Spice Girls~WHAT DO YOU CALL A SPICE GIRL WITH TWO BRAIN CELLS?
PREGNANT
~WHAT DO YOU CALL A SPICE GIRL BEHIND A STEERING WHEEL?
AN AIRBAG
~WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK INTO A SPICE GIRLS EYES?
THE BACK OF HER HEAD
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| Posted by LindrosFlyers on 12-Aug-2005 | Princess and the FrogOnce upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought:
I don't freakin' think so!
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| Posted by 5th Beatle on 12-Aug-2005 | Scientists and the Mermaid!These three scientists decided to go fishing one day. So they packed up all of their gear and headed down to the lake.
They were having terrible luck, they weren't catching a thing. But all the sudden, one of the scientists feels a pull at his line. He shouts out, "I got something, I got something!"
So he reels his catch in and much to his surprise, it's a Mermaid. She tells the scientists, "If you let me go, I will grant you each one wish." Well they think that's a pretty good deal, so they agree.
The first scientist, the one who caught the Mermaid, tells her, "I want you to double my IQ." The Mermaid says, no problem. Snaps her fingers, and suddenly he's solving all of these problems they had been working on for months.
So the next scientist thinks that's pretty neat, so he tells the Mermaid, "I want you to tripple my IQ." So the Mermaid says, "No problem." snaps her fingers once again, and now this scientist is finding cures for AIDS and Cancer.
So the last scientist is really excited about all of this. He tells the Mermaid, "I want you to quadruple my IQ."
The Mermaid looks at him and says, "Are you sure about this? I'm not so sure you want to do that." But the scientist is stubborn and tells her, "You granted the other guys wishes, now grant mine or we're not letting you go."
So the Mermaid sighs and says, "Whatever you want."
She snaps her fingers and the scientist turned into a woman.
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