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| Posted by Mike Richards on 09-Aug-2005 | Chastity beltA brave knight has to go and fight in the Crusades and leaves his sexy wife at home.
As he can't trust her, he fits her with a chastity belt made from razor blades.
On his victorious return, he lines up his male staff, making them drop their trousers. He is greeted, one by one, by a line of shredded todgers, except one.
He goes up to that man and says, "I trusted you and, unlike all the others, you have not betrayed my trust. In return I shall give you half my land."
To which, the servant replies, "Ugg ou gery muk."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by yisman and Curtis
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| Posted by Justin T. Beilstein on 09-Aug-2005 | Ball scratchingA man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" ask the interviewer.
"Yes, I was a Marine," responded the applicant.
"Did you see any active duty?"
"I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability."
"May I ask what happened?"
"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles."
"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am."
"When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability."
"Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10.
We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by super p. man on 09-Aug-2005 | Camel rideA captain in the foreign legion is transferred to a desert outpost where he notices an old, seedy looking camel at the back of the barracks.
He asks his sergeant what it is for.
"Well, sir, we're a fair distance from anywhere and the men have natural sexual urges. When they do, they use the camel."
"Gosh," says the captain, "Well if it's good for morale, it's fine by me."
The captain soon becomes frustrated himself and finally tells the sergeant to bring him the camel.
The sergeant shrugs his shoulders and brings the camel to the captain's quarters.
The captain gets a foot stool and begins to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he steps down, satisfied, he asks the sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"
The sergeant replies, "Well no, sir, usually they just ride the camel to the nearest brothel."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by yisman
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| Posted by J Harry on 09-Aug-2005 | Chicken or the eggA chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Ray Lundell on 09-Aug-2005 | Sex problemA bloke goes to the doctor and says, "I got this sex problem, doc."
"Well," says the quack, "Tell me about your average day."
"Well, it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes me up about 3:00 AM for nookie and then again about 5 o'clock so we can spend a couple of hours making love before I go to work."
"Oh, I see," says the doc.
"No, hang on," said the young man, "you see, when I get on the train to work I meet this girl every day and we get a compartment to ourselves and have sex all the way there."
"Oh...now I see," said the quack.
"No, no you don't," said our hero. "When I get to work my secretary really fancies me and I have to give her one in the storeroom."
"Oh, now I see," said the quack.
"No, no, no," said the randy old bugger. "When I go to lunch I meet this dinner lady I'm very fond of and we nip out the back for a quickie."
"Now I understand," said the patient doctor.
"No, hang on," said the bloke. "When I get back to the office in the afternoon, my boss, a very demanding lady I might add, has to have me or she says she'll give me the sack."
"Ahhh...." said the doctor, "Now I see.."
"No, there's more," said our man. "When I get home my wife is so pleased to see me that she give me a blow job before dinner and then we have sex afterwards."
"Just what is your problem?," asked the doc.
"Well...." said our hero, "It hurts when I wank!"
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by curtis and yisman
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| Posted by Sexy Chicana on 09-Aug-2005 | What kind of womanA guy stops to talk to a beautiful woman standing alone by a bus stop.
"Hello, I must say, you are about the most beautiful woman I have ever met."
"Thank you very much," replied the woman.
The guy quickly follows up, "I was wondering if you'd sleep with me for a million dollars?"
"A million dollars!" the girl responds.
She thinks for a moment and answers, "Yes, I would sleep with you for a million dollars."
"How about five bucks?" asks the guy.
"Five bucks!? What kind of woman do you think I am?"
"We've already determined that," he replies. "Now we are just haggling over the price."
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by yisman
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