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| Posted by JOHNWILLY on 09-Aug-2005 | Cheating WifeA man was feeling very depressed and walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch whiskey. As the bartender poured him the drink he remarked, "That's quite a heavy drink. What's wrong?"
After quickly downing his drink, the man replied, "I got home and found my wife having sex with my best friend."
"Wow," exclaimed the bartender, as he poured the man a second triple scotch.
"No wonder you needed a stiff drink. The second triple is on the house."
As the man downed his second triple scotch, the bartender asked him, "What did you do?"
"I walked over to my wife," the man replied, "looked her straight in the eye and told her that we were through and to pack her stuff and to get the hell out."
"That makes sense," said the bartender, "but what about your best friend?"
The man replied, "I walked over to him, looked him right in the eye and said, 'BAD DOG!'"
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| Posted by Kristian J. Mercer on 09-Aug-2005 | Son of a Bitch!Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?"
(as he touches her hand) Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?"
(as he touched her breast) Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?"
(as he takes off her clothes) Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?"
(as he stuck his you know what into her you know where) Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!" Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!" Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
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| Posted by Daniel L. Jewell on 09-Aug-2005 | Blowing SmokeThree little boys were sitting on the porch, when one little boy says, "My Daddy smokes, and he can blow smoke rings."
The second little boy pipes up, "Well, my Dad smokes too! and he can blow smoke out of his ears."
The third little boy, not to be outdone responds, "My Dad can blow smoke out of his butt."
"Really, have you seen it?" reply the boys.
The third boy responds, "No, but I've seen the tobacco stains in his underwear."
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| Posted by Sheila Barot on 09-Aug-2005 | Public ExhibitionA policeman noticed an old lady standing on a street corner during a sudden windstorm. She was bracing herself by holding a light post with one hand, and she was holding her hat snugly against her head with her other hand.
Unfortunately, a strong gust blew her dress upward, and it continued to flap in the wind, exposing her privates for everyone to see.
The policeman asked, "Hey Lady, everybody is taking a look at what you've got. Don't you think that pulling your dress down is more important than worrying about your hat?"
"Look, sonny,.... What these people are looking at is 85 years old...But this friggin hat is BRAND NEW!"
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| Posted by Lou Ser on 09-Aug-2005 | Caught CheatingA woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vice.
She then secured it tightly and removed the handle.
Next she picked up a hacksaw.
The terrified husband, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to... to... cut it off, are you?"
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye said, "No, You are!!! I'm going to set the garage on fire.
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| Posted by Poopfroggyman on 09-Aug-2005 | Marry Again?"I was married 3 times" explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, "and I'll never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull."
"That's a shame."
said his friend , "How did it happen?"
"She wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
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