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| Posted by Anashel k. Hall on 09-Aug-2005 | Church BellsOn hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
Submitted by Tantilazing
Edited by calamjo and yisman
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| Posted by Max Willman on 09-Aug-2005 | The in-lawsA couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husband says sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yes," the wife replies, "In-laws."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman
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| Posted by Gus Scoom on 09-Aug-2005 | 20 year anniversaryA woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?".
The husband looks up from is coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes I do" she replies.
The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued... "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'"
"I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said..."I would have gotten out today."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman, Tantilazing and Curtis again
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| Posted by Don S. Peterson on 09-Aug-2005 | Deep freezeA man walks into a drug store.
He walks up to the counter and asks for a box of condoms.
After paying, he takes the condoms and walks out the door.
A few blocks up the street the man walks into an ice cream shop.
He pulls out a condom and says to the waiter, "Could you fill this up with ice cream please?"
The waiter is rather surprised, but thinks that as long as the man pays, who cares what he gets the ice cream in.
So the waiter fills the condom with ice cream, and hands it back to the man.
His curiosity gets the better of him so he asks, "I'm curious to know why you want the ice cream in a condom, of all things!"
The man replies "Well, it's my wife??™s birthday today and all week she has been dropping hints about getting a deep freeze, and anything my wife wants, she's going to get!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman
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| Posted by Blazin Shorty on 09-Aug-2005 | Advice for guysIf you ever want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep!
Submitted by Curtis
Edited yisman
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| Posted by Pretty Sammi on 09-Aug-2005 | HonorOne evening a husband comes home to his apartment very roughed up.
When his wife sees him she asks, "What happened to you?"
"I got into a fight with the apartment manager."
"Whatever for?"
"He said he had slept with every woman in the complex except one!"
The woman replied, "I bet it's that snooty Mrs. Gellar on the third floor."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
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