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| Posted by Tom Dunlap on 09-Aug-2005 | CinderellaCinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her.
So, as Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
'First, you must wear a diaphragm.'
Cinderella agrees and says, 'What's the second condition?'
'You must be home by 2 am. Any later and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin.'
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 am. The appointed hour comes and goes and Cinderella doesn't show up.
Finally, at 5 am, Cinderella shows up looking love struck and very satisfied.
'Where have you been?' demands the fairy godmother. 'Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!'
'I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything.'
'I know of no prince with that kind of power. Tell me his name.'
'I can't remember exactly, Peter, Peter, something or other... '
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| Posted by Bruno B. Machado on 09-Aug-2005 | That hard!A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question, but as he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both startled and he says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies, 'if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221.'
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| Posted by april pe on 09-Aug-2005 | Dentist AppointmentOne night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.
The wife turns over and says,
'I'm sorry honey, but I've got a gynecologist??™s appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'
The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
This time he whispers in her ear, 'Do you have a dentist's appointment tomorrow too?'
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| Posted by Dano Fiveo on 09-Aug-2005 | Turner BrownA small white guy goes into an elevator and the only other passenger is a huge black dude standing next to him.
The big black dude looks down upon the small white guy and says, '2.5 m tall, 130 kg, 40 cm dick, 1.5 kg left ball, 1.5 kg right ball, Turner Brown.'
The small white guy faints.
The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small white guy, 'What's wrong?'
The small white guy says, 'Excuse me, but what did you say?'
The big black dude looks down and says, '2.5 m tall, 130 kg, 40 cm dick, 1.5 kg left ball, 1.5 kg right ball, Turner Brown.'
The small white guy says, 'Thank God. I thought you said, "turn around".'
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| Posted by jana on 09-Aug-2005 | Pickle slicerBill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill declined saying that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.
Bill said, 'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh Bill, you didn't,' she said.
'Yes, I did,' said Bill.
'My God, Bill, what happened?'
'I got fired.'
'No, Bill, I mean what happened with the pickle slicer?'
'Oh, she got fired too.'
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| Posted by Rebecca A. Detrich on 09-Aug-2005 | Wife in ComaA man was visiting his wife in hospital where she had been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this, she lets out a sigh.
The man runs out and tells the doctor, who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan.
From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed.
The man goes in and then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asked what happened.
The man replied, 'She choked.'
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